Greetings: October was a hell of a month. Choices were made, problems were overcome. And it was an out and out mess. I got a ticket in New Jersey, caused by improper routing by the truck GPS. Routing is ALWAYS the drivers issue, but this is 17 times in 30 days that it put me on a wrong road. This time I just got caught. I am tired of being on the road, and this month will see the end to that. I finished up the first draft of Awakening and I am in edit mode, with a few changes to make. I will count it as a good month, but annoying.

Is it me? Or is it the world?

The first thing that I have to point out is the New Jersey court system. They are either incompetent, or they are purposfully misleading and unprofessional to pad their bottom line. The New Jersey offices issue tickets that require payment by a certain date. The ticket has a website for payment. However, the payment portal appears to be in constant maintenence mode and cannot accept payments at this time. They recommend that you try later or contact the court directly. Of course, if you try to contact the court, they tell you to MAIL a money order or wait for the payment portal. Thus far, it has taken 3 hours to get absolutley nowhere. I hear stories like this about the Tennessee courts as well. This may be something to look into later. Of course, this is something that I could have brought to the attention of the political front, except I forgot to go to the Botanical Gardens this evening where I could have dicussed things like this. Sigh. Feeling old, my friends, feeling old.

We did some cleanup around the house, but not nearly enough. We took about an hour and stowed the Halloween decor and pulled the Christmas stuff for the year. We did a bit of de-clutter and then the day was pretty much gone. Laura made some excellent fried chicken for dinner, I got the rest of my meds for the next few months, and that was the end of the day.

A minor update

I did take the time to update a bunch of the digital files today and start the re-write of Awakening, so that is going well. I am a bit more excited about the end of the story now. It has a bit more OMMPF to it.

As I pointed out, I am not going to have my drawing pad with me for the next three weeks. These are two attempts at using the mouse with Hexagon, Blender, and Daz3d, as well as photoshop. It is a lot more uncomfortable and takes a lot longer, but I can deal with the results.

Almost back at it.

I spent the day getting stuff done around the house and prepping to return to work. I fleshed out two photoshop images, that you see above, caught up the rest of the blogs, and finished up with my digital materials. I made veal for dinner (don't judge), and worked on Awakening, which is coming along nicely. We spent a bit of time doing some de-cluttering and I am happy with the results. I am still pensive about returning to work and the next three weeks, but I will take it one day at a time.

Break the chain.

No matter what happens, you must always break the chains that bind you. And that is about where I am right now. Work was a bit rough, even for being the first day back. I am already missing my Saxophone and Violin, not to mention the Yoga stuff and all. But I think that it was for the best. I have created an environment of discomfort on purpose so that I can't say "well, what if...". I know myself too well, and walking the the fool of the Tarot, off into the abyss while staring into the sky, is not my bag. It used to be, but not anymore.

I was working on an old art piece, but it is not done yet, so maybe tomorrow. We shall see. I shut down in a truck parking area on I-40 and listened to some music while eating one of my pizzas and then it was time to get off to bed. I have thoughts and ideas running through my head, and the thought of the Dock and Warehouse that is actually a PORT is exciting. More so than it should be, and I do not know why. Speaking of not knowing why, I have forgotten something, sometimes important. It is on a sticky, but I don't know where the sticky is. It was in my day planner, and I think I took it out to deal with it, but ....SQUIRREL. I can't remember. I am sure it will turn up sooner or later. Sigh.

Even though I am just back to work it is time for a 34 hour reset in Virginia. When I shut down I was a bit Moody so I figured I would pull 4 random items from the past year and finish them up. These are the results.

Time to play catch-up.

It is time to play catch up and give everybody an update on what's going on in my world. First and foremost you can see that I am on a 34 hour break and I had time on my hands so I grabbed some of the old artwork and finished it up. There's no deep , insightful psychological thought behind the four images, they were just chosen at random. I have a whole lot of them to finish up so I'm doing them slowly. So these are finalized and ready to go in the gallery, also mean i get the gallery done.

There are some big life changes coming and they are pretty terrifying. In less than a week I'm going to be starting a significant change in the way that I live, and while it is no secret to most people, I will not state it directly until it takes place. But if you are a long time follower of this blog, you will have figured it out by now. It is exciting, and scary, and I don't know what.

The writing is coming along well and I have to figure out exactly what I'm going to do going forward, but i still work on it every day until I get to a point where I can't do anymore without making a choice going forward. But that is a problem for another time. I can tell you that Lilith is having a lot more fun nowadays since I made some minor changes to Awakening. That novel needed a much stronger ending and now it has one.

As always there is something that's getting on my nerves besides daily life and a lot of the people around me, and that is something that people overlook. We live in a world in which the conservatives are trying to take over to make the world a better place, and most of them are based within a religious belief that God is king and the world should be run by the Bible. One of the core values in the Bible is honesty. And yet every advertiser and every post on social media that is intended to tug at your heartstrings contains falsehoods. It just grinds my gears and I have no idea why because it's not like it is something new, just something that is getting on my nerves lately. The big thing right now are the advertisers they will post something that's supposed to be interesting and they will leave the last line off the page so that you have to click the link to go to their site to read the rest of the story which does not exist. I know that it's a marketing tactic, but I don't like it anyway. It's very judgmental and petty of me and I recognize this.

Other than that, things are pretty much status quo. I had a nice big salad for dinner with some hot sausage and I double checked and I have plenty of meals for the duration of my journey. Dinner is actually a joy right now and I am enjoying it greatly. Not to mention I have stuff for breakfast and lunch. I guess you might say I'm living high on the hog, so I think I'll make some bacon and see you on the flip side.

Getting antsy and being short.

When I was in the military, we had a name for times like this. It was called "short time". Those were the times when you were getting close to a critical date, and time would slow to a crawl. You would do anything to occupy your mind to make time go faster. This 34-hour reset has been one of those times. Time just will not move, and it is pissing me off. I spent the entire day moving website information and I barely put a scratch in it. I rolled my music and a few movies in the background and made an excellent dinner of breaded fish, mushooms and onions. But the day still dragged. Tomorrow, I head into New England, and then who knows where.

Still rolling.

The personal side of the day was virtually uneventful today, and i am OK with that. I was up and in motion nice and early and made all my connections right on time as usual. I was a little bit annoyed with work because I had to scale the truck and it would not accept my company credit card because it was not one of the coveted sites that are authorized. I did call the fuel department and authorize the use of an official scale that was outside of the authorized system, which they agreed to, but it still would not take the credit card. This means I'm going to have to jump through hoops to get my $17 back. And of course I cannot do that until I clear the run which will not be until tomorrow. And then we are inching up on the end of the week when things are going to get very interesting.

I finally landed in a truck parking area that I have used a couple of times before, and it is not the greatest place to shut down, but it was quiet and I will take it. I had half of my remaining hot dogs for dinner and I did some relaxation techniques. I am feeling very on edge lately and I don't like it. Of course it is understandable with the upcoming changes, but now I am committed to them and what will be will be. For now I'm headed up into New England and then over to Wisconsin which should be interesting. And that was really, totally unexpected, but I will take it.

I had a little extra time today so I finalized another piece. The lesson on this one was central composition and I'm really not sure if I like the way it turned out but it's what I'm going to keep.

Time is fleeting

I think I'm going to stick with the theme of music references to movies or books as we look at the header for today again. This time we're going to jump back to doing the time warp in the Rocky Horror picture show. Between that, and a Clockwork Orange, being my morning thoughts, I'm pretty sure that I have lost my mind. But that's OK, I'm sure it is here somewhere and it will turn up sooner or later so I am not going to worry about it . It's not like driving a truck requires a brain. Get your panties out of A twist it was a joke. Very few people realize exactly how much intelligence is required to properly operate a commercial motor vehicle especially if you want to be on time and handle problems as you go. So just enjoy the joke.

Both of my stops today we're very annoying. In both cases I was required to stay on the dock during the operation of loading or unloading. That means I didn't get to make coffee and I didn't have any time to do my little updates throughout the day like I usually do. It got on my nerves, but that's OK because I played catch up this evening and I think that I am back on track. I'm getting very pensive about Friday and I'm not sure how things are going to change, or if they are going to change. It has me nervous. When I shut down on the New York State Thruway, I made my steak and potatoes with mushroom and onions, finalized a piece of art, worked on identifying items to move over to the new website, and fired up my writing and did that for about an hour before I went to sleep. Even though there were some annoyances, i am counting today as a good day. Tomorrow is going to be a long day as I have to put in over 600 miles headed toward Wisconsin.

Yeah! Chicken

Like I said in the work box above, it was a boring day. Every once in a while I can accept boring so I will take it. The most exciting thing for the day was dinner which was BBQ chicken and rice and it came out really well. For the first time ever I brought drumsticks and BBQ sauce and I tried my hand at a good old fashioned BBQ chicken in the air fryer. I was very surprised at how well it came out.

I straightened out my resignation and I'm going to send that over in the morning. It is time to move on and I need to stop putting things off. I'm not sure how that's going to go over but we shall see. There are quite a few variables and it is extremely difficult to figure out what way things are going to fall so I just have to suck it up and take it. But in the morning the ball will be rolling and we shall see where things land.

Somehow I managed to get ahead on this current run so I had a little extra time in the evening and I did some work on my writing and on the new website. It was a pretty good day.

At this point I am just pulling random artwork to update for the new site and I don't even remember what the purpose of this exercise was. What strikes me as really funny is the animal in this picture. I distinctly remember that I wanted it to be a cat. But it looks more like a dog. I was going to finalize this one, but i decided to put it in the reserve and possibly switch out the animal a bit later. I have quite a few silhouette pre fabrications that I have created and saved off but for some reason I do not have a cat from a reverse view in silhouette. Now I'm going to have to correct that.

Frazzled.

As most people that know me understand, I am a predictive futurist. For those of you that don't know what that is, I use previous events to foretell future events. I am not psychic, or some mystical sage with delusions of godhood. It is an advanced form of trained pattern recognition. As such I am usually able to identify exactly what is going to happen within a reasonable error margin in most situations. I am correct more than half of the time. The more I know about a subject or the people involved, the easier it is to identify the paths of action. But I did not see today coming. This morning I issued my resignation and I knew that I was going to get a phone call but the last thing that I expected was that the company would deny my resignation. I worked through about a dozen scenarios of what could happen and that was not even in the top 10. But it is good to be surprised once in a while. Next week I'm going to be pulled into our main terminal foray face to face with management. I am not so stubborn that I will not listen.

Even though it was an uncommonly rough day on the road, I was doing pretty well when I shut down in a service Plaza in Indiana. I made myself a pork roast with potatoes and beans and it turned out pretty good. I worked on my artwork and on the new website and then I settled in to do some writing. I anticipate that I'm going to be done editing awakening by the end of the month. Now all I have to do is find about three people that are willing to read it and give me an honest opinion. I just don't know who that's going to be yet. After tomorrow I will be heading into the weekend and I am hoping to find a good place to shut down and get a few things cleared off my plate. Next week is going to be interesting.

Not hopeful.

I was stuck in a dock for five hours today, which would have been a good time to get some stuff caught up, except that I had close to zero bars on my phone, and most of what I have to do requires an internet connection. That made for a boring five hours. Traffic was crazy heavy and there were many accidents on the highways. About 70 miles of the trip was Ohio backroads, and they were actually better than the highways. Funny how things twist around, isn't it? Anyway, I hit a rest area in Marshall, IL but that still puts me close to 820 miles from my destination. This is a tight run, and I don't think that I can make it. But who knows? Maybe...

Another brick in the wall.

I guess I have Pink Floyd on my brain today because I am thinking of the wall. But not in the antisocial, white supremacist way of thinking, just an obstacle in my way. And today, that obstacle is time because I really had to push it to be able to make it to Batesville, Ms. And shut down for my break. It was neither the perfect choice nor my first choice, but it was where I was able to make it. And when I finally stopped for the day, I was beyond exhausted, so I made myself some rice and pork and I went right to sleep. I did hold a conversation with the family at home, and I helped them to clean out the kitchen. After that, it was off to the land of Morpheus. It was only supposed to be a two-hour nap, and I even set an alarm, but I must have been more tired than I thought I was because I slept through the alarm and then turned it off and wound up sleeping for seven hours. Sometimes, you just have days like that. But I am gearing up for my meeting on Tuesday and I'm going to face it with anticipation instead of dread.

Tired, but pushing through.

This was a very short break even though it was still the same amount of time, it was just very rushed because of the situation. I did not get enough sleep but i did get quite a bit done. I was able to get all the updates done on the computer, and it is feeling much better now and operating properly. I hunkered down and did some serious writing and I did the updates to the website which I mentioned above. I had some barbecued chicken drumsticks and some noodles. I got another call from Walmart to be an asset protection professional in Cordova, and I cleared out my e-mail box which included 291 potential jobs. The irony is that most of them wanted to hire immediately. And right now that is a problem. I expected that for the seasonal employment but a lot of these are permanent positions and I am hoping that some of them stick around for the next two weeks. That would be lovely. I did watch a movie, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was because it was not that important and it was rolling in the background. Finally, I assessed what I have to get off the truck, and I think that I might have to make two trips when I get home in about 13 days.

Moody but holding.

I am ready for my meeting in Tunnel Hill, assuming that I ever get there. (Sarcasm, of course). But my mood is questionable right now. Another five hours in the Walmart dock, added to the five hours at the candy company, and then another four hours trying to clean the trailer. That is 14 wasted hours, plus extra drive time, for which I do not get paid. I finally got a shower in Port Allen, and that helped a bit, but I was tired as hell. I shut down, did my writing and updates, and then hit the sack before dealing with the trailer. Thus far, I am unimpressed with the potential that lay ahead. I will listen, but at this point, I believe that my perspective may be tainted. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

I am done.

I can take a hint, mainly when it is applied liberally with a sledgehammer. In the past five days have been educated on how not to run a logistics company. I can see what everybody is complaining about and it is not a good thing. If it was not for the cat therapy this morning I'm pretty sure that I would have grown my hair out so I had something to tear out. No amount of positive thinking or meditation is going to sway the pendulum on my current negative mood. But do not worry, my faithful followers, I will be fine. It is just a slump brought about by a series of unfortunate events. In theory, I will be heading toward Atlanta in the morning and if I push really hard I might make it to Tunnel Hill tomorrow afternoon. If not, I will be sitting there when the big dogs get there on Thursday morning and we will have done with us.

When I shut down, I did the website project and my writing and I have another bare-bones story completed. That doesn't leave too many to go, and every other day I revisit the current novel and I'm just plugging along. It should be ready come the new year and they have to seek out three people to read it and give me their opinion before I try to publish it. You know the drill, people, if you want in send me an e-mail. Once I get the editing done I will put it in PDF format, so you can read it on a computer or tablet. I'm sorry, but at this time I'm not going to do an audio version because 90,000 words is a little more than I want to read out loud, maybe down the line. I have a couple pieces of artwork that I am working on but it's a lot slower using just the mouse without the drawing pad, which I left at home. We will see what this weekend brings, assuming that I am not just heading home from tunnel hill. I managed to shut down about 15 minutes from my pick up, ate my 2 remaining pizzas, did my nightly routine and then went to bed. It was rough sleeping at first because there was someone being very antisocial next to me but the police took care of that in the end and then I was able to roll off to sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

Pensive.

The day was mostly work and preparing for the conflict of tomorrow. I have been trying to see all the possible angles of what will happen when I meet with the big dogs in the morning. I should be able to get dropped and get to the Hill for a bit of rest so that I can approach this head on, and with a clear mind. But I think that I have been overthinking things. I know that it will be fine, but the old grey matter, as it will with any human being, heads to the worst case scenario. And that is never a good thing.

Resolved.

Today was a bit of a head spinner. I worked things out with the big dogs and even got my laundry done. I worked out some of the tensions in the gym, but not nearly enough. I am ready for this chapter to end and the next one to begin. I was transparent with everyone and they know that I will not sit on my bum while at home, so they have the ball and we shall see what they do with it.

With the drama done and behind me, it was time to relax. I cleaned up the truck a bit and did my route planning. I will be heading out in the morning to pick up a pre-load in Ellenwood and taking that to the Dallas terminal. I will pick up in Ft. Worth, then unload that at Kroger in Memphis on Sunday night. Then it is time to get home. I figure it will take two trips to empty the truck because of the big stuff, but we shall see. I spent the rest of the day writing, working the website, and relaxing. I made some hashbrowns and pork for dinner. It was yummy.

One interesting point. I received a few critical comments about the artwork in that I do not do full nudes. I want to make it clear that it is not an inablity on my part, but a choice. While I find the human form, female and male, to be a wonderful work of art, there are those that do not share that sentiment. And to say to me "I bet you don't because you can't" is childish because I cannot be pushed into a choice through that kind of application of pyschology. If, and when, I choose to share that level of artistic expression with you, I am sure that you will be greatly disappointed because what I do is not your "Larry Flynt" style of expression, but more of a subtle expression of the human condition. I will consider sharing a piece or two, and if you find it displeasing, you can alway head on over to pornhub which will be more your style.

Finally resolved.

I was not feeling well by the end of the day, so I hit the Love's in Eutaw and chose my parking space so that I can get out in the morning. It was some hot dogs, and then off to sleep. Soon, the personal area (of this blog) will get a lot bigger and the work area will get a lot shorter.

This is something new, and something different. The model is a composite, wrapped around a wireframe, with aspects of Lohan, Ortega, Watson, Jojovitch, and a few others. I used an AI modeling tool to combine the different aspects to create an original model in a svelt wireframe. I adjusted the hair and eyes manually, but the rest is computer generated. Finally, I instructed the AI to use the lyric to "Savage Daughter" as a core for the final output. I have no idea where Photoshop got the cat. Right now, I am using all commercial filters and programs, but I am writing a program now to do all of this automatically. Look at me, programming AI. Isn't that special?

Very tired.

It has been one hell of a week, and the past few days have been seriously tasking on the self. I am a bit optimistic that things will work out, but you never know what will happen until things are in place. I rolled very hard today, and when I shut down, it was time for some hot sausage and sleep. I am very tired, but looking forward to getting home tomorrow and seeing what these new chapters bring.

I need rest.

It was a rough day. I had very little sleep and I think that it is because I am pensive about the future. But that will work itself out eventually. I hit the terminal and did a run to the house with the big stuff from the truck. And I was glad that I did. I got back to the truck, cleaned up a bit, and then had about six hour before I had to head over to the Kroger DC. I figured that I had time to sleep. But sleep evaded me. I wound up getting up and cleaning the truck. I got everything clear except a few bags of stuff, and while I was in the dock, I did the spic-and-span cleaning. I got home well after midnight, running on about six hours sleep in 60 hours. But tomorrow, will be a day of rest.

First day at home.

I am running on no sleep and that was not fun. But I set my mind on getting thihngs organized and went from there. I got home very early in the morning and got the car unloaded and popped into bed. But I was only able to sleep about three hours. I was still exhasted, but I could not get back to sleep. So I was up and in motion. I spent the entire day organizing the home-cubby and doing the garage. I dumped everything from the truck in there, ant it will take a few days to get things organized. I worked both areas, back to back, all day and made some pretty good headway. In the evening, we lost power, and that was not fun. I did not get to make my BBQ chicken that I was going to have for dinner, but I got a lot done. All-in-all, a decent day. But it is going to take a while to get into a routine.

Now that I am home, I have access to my pen tablet again as well as all my other tools. So here is something brand new. I am trying to make sure that I do something creative at least once a day.

Long day, but all good.

First a bit of positivity. When walking through this life, you should never mull over regret or mistakes of the past. You should also never engage in negative relationships. It is important to understand that you are better than that and see yourself in a positive state of mind. But doing this, you can NOT feed negative self-thinking. When you engage in negative self-participation, you become what you think that you are. By contrast, if you engage in positive thought, you become a positive person.

Okay, that was a bit of psychological positivity for the day. It was just a few moments of self-reflection and doubt that I overcame quickly. Then it was time to rip into the day. I finished up my work-cubby, made a dent on the garage, set up an appointment with Walmart asset protection, wrote a full short story, did some artwork and made plans to make some biscuits and gravy tomorrow. I would say that this counts as a pretty good day, all things considered. I did get the TV mounted on the wall and the Roku configured, so I am all set to go here. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there quite well. I have to work on the comfort level of the wife in the new area, but that will come with time.

Lying is second nature.

So, I have been playing a game lately where I control an alien. As with most games, it is advertizer paid unless you purchase the premium version, which is rarely worth it based on the simplistic nature of most games. So, every once in a while a link will pop up that will give you extra stuff if you watch a 30 second to two-minute advertisement. The alien game is very repetitive, but it has its moments. You can reach your goals in time, or take short-cuts through the ads. Since I am at home and on better Wi-Fi, I have clicked a few of these ads, and I found something out. They all operate, or have been designed, under the same model.I call it the "lie model". The ad shows you the best-of-the-best parts of the potential game or application, and they are all free to download. The key is that they are free to DOWNLOAD. To get to a place where you get to play or experience what is actually in the ad requires you to buy the premium version or advance to a level that requires dozens, or more, hours of use of the application. Often, the ad has nothing to do with the actual game or application. Hense, the "lie model". For instance, there is one game that shows a bunch of blocks with arrows where you have to click a block, removing it, as long as there are no obstructions in the way. The ad points out that you have to be a genius or have an IQ at a certain point, to pass the stage. The problem is that the stage shown contains a 3D block set that is 20 wide, by 20 high, and 20 deep. When you start the game, it is 4x4x4. Simple calculations show that to get to the genius level mode requires about 1000 puzzles. Each puzzle ends in, you guessed it, another ad. With each ad running about 60 seconds, that is 1000 minutes, or 16 and a half hours of play, assuming that you pass all the levels, to reach the advertisements level. And there are variations of this, like AI chat bots that are dressed provocatively but don't exist within the actual game, or challenges within the ads that don't exist. It strikes me that if someone were to create games that meet the ads that they used to get you to download them, they might make a fortune. That is something to think about.

When I look at this day, it was pretty good. I spent the morning working on the cubby and the garage, though I made more of a dent in the former than the latter. Maybe tomorrow, I can reverse it. In the afternoon, I headed up to Walmart to meet with Jonathan and I have a potential offer as an Asset Protection Investigator. On Friday I should get an offer. On Friday, I am also supposed to get my final Master's degree in the mail and that will complete the set. I am excited. In the evening, Laura and I went through the freezer and took out the stuff that had gotten lost in the shuffle. Some fish and shrimp, dumplings, and hamburgers. We cooked all that up and that was dinner. Finally, I wrote another 8000+ word story. Now I have two short stories plus a few older ones, sitting to be editted. Not terrible!

Family time, and more.

I had a few accomplishments for the day. I chose to try another morning routine to give Laura some morning space and it worked out well. I hit the garage hard before anyone was awake and made a serious dent in the project. I was able to get most of the truck stuff cleared up and even got the new convection oven out of storage and moved to the kitchen. I cleaned up a bunch off tools, cleaned up the debris, and put things in a general state of organization. I worked some of the art and writing, and did some more on the cubby. In the evening, we went to the family Thanksgiving, and that took the wind out of my sails. I know that I have a reaction to turkey, and that still holds true. I only ate a small amount, but it hit me hard enough that I had to come home early and I went right to sleep. That is annoying because I really like turkey, I just can't eat it. Too bad. But all things considered, it was a good day, so I will take it.

Hard working day

What a day, and I think that I may have overdone it a bit. But that is okay. I was up near midnight because I went to bed so early, and I am going to have to change my sleep schedule. If I don't, that could get annoying. But I took advantage of the situation. I burned through the garage and got all the shelves cleaned off. While I did that, I checked, cleaned, oiled and readied all the tools. They are all in good working order now. Then I tackled the ever-present electronic corner. That took forever, but I knocked the entire thing out and now both workbenches are free and clear. That is a pretty magnificent accomplishment. To top it off, I finished out the day by doing some writing, working on the website, and getting half of the backyard (leaves) cleared up. I continue my daily routine of meditation, exercise, and Yoga, and things are going well. I was annoyed at the interaction with U.S. Xpress, but I did not let it bother me. I finished up the day by making some noodles to go with the hot sausage that Laura cooked. I am down to the last remnants of what came from the truck. I am counting this as a decent day. If I can take care of the recycling, cardboard and electronics, the woodpile in the backyard, and the rest of the leaves, I am going to count myself well ahead of schedule. Then it is project time!

I have been doing a lot of editing on "Awakening" lately and it helps me to visualize the characters. So I put a little energy since I got home and set my pen-tablet back up, into trying to picture Lilith, the first woman. Of course, I am trying to picture her in modern times, not in the original garden. These are the two thoughts I came up with, but I don't think they are quite right. What do you think?

Did not see that coming

Trigger Warning: This section contains an uncomfortable subject. I have a problem with holidays and the reason is my father from many, many moons ago. I know that much of this is still repressed, even 40 years down the line. But sometimes these things rear their ugly heads. Today, I got to do Christmas decorating with the family for the first time in a very long time. It was an enjoyable experience and it came out well. But I dropped into a bit of a withdrawn state, and I hate that. It was because I remembered something from a very long time ago, and though these things are well in the past, they can still drop in like unwanted guests. In 1975, I was 10 years old. We had company for the holiday season. I will not name names, because one of them is dead, and one of them does not need to relive this type of thing. I will not go graphic, though I do in my autobiography. Spoiler, that should be ready for publication next year, read at your own risk. Anyway. Little K made a serious mistake. She dropped an insignificant Christmas ball, which shattered on the floor. Dad was furious because it was a signed decoration from Marilyn Cole, the 1973 Playboy Playmate of the year. This had no place on a Christmas tree with children in the house, but that is another thing all-together. But because little K dropped this ball, she had to be punished, and punished well to suit the significance of the crime of depriving Dad of the ability to look at a Christmas ball with a naked woman on it. What was the punishment? They gave Big E a sedative that Marge got from a "friend" of hers. That knocked Little E out for the night. And Little K and myself, we lost our innocence forever. Little K for dropping the Ball and Me for trying to defend her. The light left little K's eyes that day and it seriously changed her. I was as well, but not to the same degree. After that day in November, Little K and I would sleep together, wrapped around one another like animals huddled together for safety. It was wonderful and horrible at the same time. Such fear, such hatred, such a desire for malice and vengeance. The full accounting of this event and the aftermath is in my autobiography, and will be included in the 1975 - 1976 portions of this journal when they are finished shortly.

On to better things

Aside from doing the Christmas decorating, I was able to get a lot more done on the Cubby and garage. It is an uphill battle, but I am getting there. I think that I might be able to finish up tomorrow. I got a LOT of writing done, and I finished up the two images of Lilith that are going to be used for the novel. I just don't think that I am happy with them. I am attempting to reset my sleep schedule, so I stayed up until about 7:30PM. I am slowly pushing that back so my up time can be closer to 4:00AM then to midnight.

At the end of the weekend.

Laura had an excellent suggestion. Last week, I could not get my legs under me to concentrate and get into a routine. She suggested that I treat the weekend like a normal 34-hour break, and that seems to have worked out well. The last day is here and I have all kinds of plans for tomorrow morning. A lot hinges on if I hear from Walmart or not. But I am not going to sit and wait for them. I have more than 50 potential jobs sitting in my inbox, and tomorrow morning, I am going to send resumes to them all. I got my final Master's degree, and it is good to have it, but I am not really happy with the presentation. It seems very cheap. But I am just being "over the top" about it. It is the training and experience that counts, not a piece of paper.

Not a terrible day

I could sleep a bit later than I have been, but I did not wake up energized as I had hoped. I was working in kind of an emotional hangover from yesterday, but through meditation, exercise, and Yoga, I worked my way out of it, for the most part. Then it was time to tackle projects. The biggest one in play was finishing up the garage, which I did and now have everything cleared up, cleaned up, and set up. It was a bit of a struggle, but I think that it came out well. The next thing is the cubby and finalizing that. I did want to get out and finish up the leaves today, but it was raining the first part of the day, and windy as hell for the second part. So I shifted, instead, to somre more creative writing. I am getting close to the end on so many things, that I can taste it. I ended the day by cooking pork loin, rice and peas for the family for dinner and working some cubby projects.

Suprise, suprise.

I really thought that I would be sitting on the edge of my seat by now with the time off, but that has not happened and it surprises the hell out of me. I've been managing my time quite well and I've been keeping myself just busy enough that I do not get antsy. And figures now I would find balance when I could not before. That is funny as hell.

I spent a couple hours on writing today and a little time on artwork. But the majority of the time was spent on bringing the stories together. That is a lot of brain work, and I have to figure out what to do with it now . I did finally get a call from Jonathan from Walmart, the offer was delayed because of internal personnel issues and he was trying to get it over tonight but that did not happen. Meanwhile, I got a call from the Collierville store and I have a 3:00 PM meeting with the store manager tomorrow afternoon. We will see which one comes through first, but I think Jonathan will come through without a problem.

The day ended nicely and I got to sleep at a decent hour. So here are crossed fingers for tomorrow.

The world is based on untruth, and we have lost our innocence. There will be more of this to come. Stay tuned, but it all starts with these five.

AR, RL, VR.

Yep, that would be reality, augmented reality, and virtual reality. The girls got some new games for the MetaQuest 2, and at the same time, they got me a copy of Resident Evil 4. I have to say that it is pretty cool. So I spent the morning getting my lists together, and the late morning playing the game. I have to say that it is pretty cool. The wife and I did some time together and then we went our seperate ways with our lists. Mine was working my new round-robin and there is a hell of a lot on it. Laura has a lot on her list as well.

I had an appointment at the Collierville Walmart for a basic position, but that appointment was cancelled and I was still waiting for my offer letter from the SuperCenter as an Assett Protection Investigator as noon rolled around. But my fingers are still crossed. It would be nice to get back to some kind of normality. By the end of the day, I heard from Johnathan about the API position. They are having some kind of problem with the system for hiring for that position. He asked me to be patient. I am doing my best.

Projects to a close

I have some serious projects on the line. Things that I have been working for well over a year. These include my music library, my book library, movie database and educational database. They have been on multiple drives in a vast disarray setup so that I could not find anything. Now I can because I completed them all. That is one hell of an accomplishment. Finally, I worked three more of the novels, and that leaves 8 go. I am feeling pretty damned accomplished today. Now, if Walmart would come through, all would be good.

Entering the next phase.

Today, the waiting was over. Jonathan and Walmart got their act together and I received my offer to be an asset protection inspector for the Walmart corporation. It was very anticlimactic after waiting all this time. But it is what it is, so I will take it. I had to go through the standard rigamarole and fill out the questionnaires, pre employment information, and then go down for a drug test. I got it all taken care of post haste and it is behind me now and we are playing the waiting game. My estimated start date is December 8th 2023. We will see what happens with that.

On the personal front, I ran down to the grocery store and got $100 worth of proteins and I had set us up for two or more weeks worth of food once we add some sides. If I can get my brain in motion, tomorrow I am going to make a pork roast and see how it turns out in the convection oven. I'm pretty excited about using that thing. And if I can really get my head together, I would like to make some bread. I have not made bread in a very long time and I think that is overdue.

I have been tearing through my old projects like tissue paper. I am down to less than 6 multi year projects and even those are coming to an end. By the end of the evening tonight I had all of the storage media set up and accessible from a single location. Now I get to do a little dance and get everything in a single place, create a redundant backup, and then I am ready to roll. Tomorrow morning I should be finishing up my current writing project and I can jump back into my novel and get the proofreading and editing done on that. It has been nice to walk away from Lilith and her conspirators, but it is time to see what the old girl has been up to. And before you ask, yes i do talk to my characters and they talk back. That has absolutely nothing to do with psychosis, it is a writer thing and unless you are a writer you would not understand.

Finally, I promised you a social commentary based on the five pictures that I put up yesterday. And here is that social commentary. People should take a look at the world around them and see what it's actually going on. If they were to do so, they would find an amazing thing out and it would surprise quite a few people . The five pictures from yesterday represent the loss of innocence that we are experiencing as a human race. But more to the point, we are experiencing the age of deception. And what I mean by that is that everything is a lie so commonplace they are acceptable as a social normality. All you have to do to prove this is turn on any news channel. Usually within 5 minutes you can identify a significant misleading of the public. This is commonplace in everything. And it is a significant problem because at least here in America we have people that will jump on a bandwagon based on misinformation . We saw this in the previous election, and we see it today. Deception has become so commonplace that it will often take the place of truism. What made me realize this was advertisements for games. Because of the programs that I use I get to see advertisements and every once in a while I will install something suggested by these advertisements. The program suggested never, ever, looks like the advertisement. And there are no disclaimers anymore. It used to be that if you wanted to use deception in advertising you had to put a disclaimer. That doesn't seem to be the case anymore. So after I saw this, i turned on the news. It really doesn't matter which outlet you use, everything is a deception. They just call it perspective, even if it is scientifically disproven. It is a very sad state of affairs and it is steamrolling out of control. We are headed into a season of commercialism that is based on the big lie of the benevolent Saint. Very few people remember the reason for the season. And I am not talking about the religious overtones, because the season is much older than that. But I'm going to stop with this train of thought for now, because it is up to each of you as an individual to complete that thought. Not for me to dictate.

The five pictures represent the loss of innocence based on the lie of the land.

Just something a bit different. Going for "normal".

A lot.

I did a lot, but that means that there is not a lot to say. I am burning through my projects like wildfire. I cleared an entire external drive, close to 1.5TB today. That is beyond crazy. I also finished weeding out the novels and short stories. I have it weeded down to 42 novels, any one of which I could finish in 30 days. That being said, it is time to get back to Awakening. I got the Holiday Heroes things wrapped and labled and spent the evening doing some extra meditation, looking at GigWork and doing some art.