PhotoCredit: Christopher Klein: I am working on myself and how I see myself. in meditation today, I reached out to Lilith to let me see myself through the lens of the world. The photoshop modified photo on the sidebar started with this photo and is passed thorough several filters until it felt right to me. Weird huh?

Break Time

Here we go, here we go, don't fall behind, don't walk ahead, and we shall see what we shall see. Yeah, fun little thing eh? Nah, just a new month, starting out with a 34-hour break and not letting things get to me. Or at least trying not to. I popped into Bates City, MO just outside of Kansas City, MO and shut down for a 34-hour break. I got a long, hot shower, did my laundry and grabbed myself a large Hot Stuff pizza from Godfather's. I managed to get a thin crust this time and it tastes so much better. Woo hoo. I got my exercise out of the way, did my Yoga, my French, and my meditation, and then it was nap time. I took about a five hour nap and got up to the surprise about the repower. I was almost balanced and centered before that annoyance. I called in about it, and operations was about as help as nipples on a fish. But I worked through it and got into the groove of getting things done.

The DONE things

Okay, so I got the personal stuff out of the way. Now it was time for a little housekeeping. I updated the PEACOCK site. If you don't know what it is, the link is right at the top of this page. Each month, I grab a theme and put my stuff on that site. This month, it is a reflection on my creative ventures from the month of October. I am really digging the lessons that I have been doing in Photoshop, and a lot of those are reflected there. So take a look if you dare. Then it was time for some more annoyance. These past two weeks, I took about 50 pictures and I pulled them off to make another gallery. I finally got the shutter problem on the camera mostly fixed, and now there is a processor problem. The pictures were all scrambled. Pfft. I am working on a new camera, but it is slow going. So I shifted gears and updated the sidebars of this site.

The previous month

If you have been following along, you see that I am progressing in both my photoshop and my French. I also finished about six books this past month, including Crystal City by Card and Serpentine by Hamilton. I am back to reading Lee Child now, so that is a big change. I have no idea what the month is going to bring, but I am hoping for good things.

The continued break

I was irritated by the lack of communication from work, but I did get a lot of stuff updated. I also got in some serious meditation, which is what led to the new sidebar picture. And thus, I had a brain-baby.

The Birth of a brain-baby

The brain-baby for the month is that I am adding something new to my daily routine, assuming I can keep up with it. I am using the original picture that led to the sidebar image, which the wife likes, together with my daily meditation, to do a month of self-reflection. I load the stock image into photoshop, do my daily meditation, focusing on the self, and different aspects. The result should be about 30 days of seeing myself through my own eyes through different lenses of self-examination.

The mediation for today

The mediation for today is my place in the universe. I was very surprised by my own results. When I consider myself, I always see a big cat, an earth-based predator-warrior, but reluctant. Filled with the potential of power, but without the will to use it because of the possibility of destruction. But the meditation did not put me in the cat vessel. Instead, I found myself in the sky, overlooking the world as an observer. It brought up memories of Jennifer who always called me the Her keeper of forgotten dreams . Anyway, here is my self-observation for the day.

The Process

The process: I never thought that I would use those words, but here we are. The process is thus. For the past two months, I have been doing lessons in Photoshop and a few other digital manipulation programs. So now, I am going to spend a month bringing it all together and play. Each day, I will start with the core image and run it through the manipulations, filters and techniques while concentrating on my meditation of the day. Today was an extended meditation on my place in the universe. The result is that I feel that I am an observer, acting only while I know that I can make positive change. And that is what this image is supposed to represent.

The madness dance

I had a full extra day down, so I used it to concentrate, meditate, and relax. I grabbed an extra shower and an extra meal of chicken, as well as a nap. But the most interesting thing was making the choice to pick a random movie on Pluto. And boy was it a doozy. The title was Alice: The darker side of the mirror. This noir take on Alice in Wonderland was set in 1905 about a trouble young lady (Alice of course) that takes a small pill from a stranger and then spends the next 75 minutes wandering through the woods in her own personal wonderland of magic mushrooms, opium, and other drugs. I am unsure if it was well-written or not, I just can't decide. It was either pure genius or total madness. The main character was docile for the most part, and very unlike a young lady of privilege in the early 1900s. The dialog was questionable and often did not make sense, and the score was pretty much all Beethoven. It was either interesting or very annoying.

The meditation for today

The meditation for today was based on mood. For most of the year, I have been facing being the grumpy cat. But I think that is a facade. So I wanted to know what my core is and I think that my core, based on my meditation, is that I take things too seriously. The image reflects the meditation.

Ready to roll

I wandered through the day and relaxed, preparing for an overnight run. I have about 1200 miles to roll before I drop on Saturday evening.

Rolling tired

I am rolling tired because I put in more than 12 hours today, but that is okay. I made it from Missouri to Mississippi and got shut down at the Love's in Holly Springs. I was there early enough that I got an excellent spot right near the store and then did a quick meditation and exercise before sleep. I am sticking to my guns, so after meditation, I did my artwork and again, I think that it came out pretty well. Not as good as the sidebar, but still good.

The meditation for today

The meditation for today was my place in the universe. I am rolling tired and it makes me kind of bone weary, so I concentrated on not only the self, but my place in the universe. I think that the image represents that idea well. I am really digging this project. Only about 25 more days to go. I am loving the project oriented stuff. I should make a habit out of this, but we shall see.

Run boy, run

The biggest annoyance today was my phone and the echo DOT. I have been fighting against a Samsung, android update for about a week because it needs Wi-fi. The damn thing finally forced itself on me while I was sleeping. Of course, the update screwed up the DOT access and it was no longer compatible. But the light at the end of the tunnle is that my sleeping mind (meaning thinking while I was sleeping) remembered one of my android courses, and I was able to hack my own phone and fix it. Ain't that special?

The meditation for today

I do not consider myself a pretty person, but apparently, the powers that be do. I used the meditation for today to dwell on the subject of the beauty of the world around me, and in doing so, I had to look at myself. The resulting pictures is above, and it was kinda surprising. I am not sure that I can see myself that way or not. But the eye shadow is cool.

A tight leash

We are back to sleep - work - sleep. I am running very tight right now, and it is getting me edgy, but my tolerance is high right now, so it is fine. I was up and in motion, bought an air fryer, and then on down the road toward New York State. Wait, what? An air fryer? Yep, I have been saving my Love's points for one, but I was talking to Laura and we decided it would be a good idea to get it so that I can test it and maybe change the way that I do truck food in the next run, going into the new year. So I got one, and tested it, and thus far, it works okay. Now I have to test it with some actual food. But that is something for tomorrow.

Situation Normal

I pretty much rolled all day and through the night, landing just outside of Washington, D.C. I finished The Enemy by Lee Child, and I am on to Sucker Punch by Hamilton. I listened to my podcasts, and I am all caught up. I did not get my paper done for school, so I will have to do that first thing in the morning. This is my last class before going into my specialty in Homeland Security, so it is not the time to drop the ball.

The meditation for today

I think that the title today will be either In Meditation or At Rest. But there is one very important point. I do much of the modification of the original in almost a transcendental state, letting the moment move me. It is almost like Automatic Writing except that I am not a medium, and this is all me, with no external forces. Unless we include the all-powerful Photoshop that appears to know that when I have hair, I am a blonde. That was NOT intentional; that was part of the filter system. Ain't that a pip?

A bit moody

I have been running so hard that I have barely had time to think. I had to take three hours today and do a three-page paper for school. The course that I am in right now sounded interesting, but it really is not. The primary research has been picked clean and everything is low-hanging fruit that has been addressed for years. But I got it done, and week one is done. That is all that I had time for today.

The meditation for today

My meditation for today was on my inner feline. When I think of myself in the grand scope of the world around me, I think of a big pussycat. Kind of a mix between a big predator and a large, lazy house cat. Though I usually represent myself as a black panther or another such predator, I think that the artwork for today better represents my self-image of this inner feline.

Ah New York

I had a very short, three-hour dwell in the picnic area where I stayed last night. I got caught up on a few things on the truck, some meditation, exercise, Yoga, and Saxophone. The people in the park did not seem to mind, and they pretty much stayed clear of me. One young, weird chick did walk up to me while I was packing up and talked to me. She had hair like a peacock, more metal in her face than a military tank, and nipple piercings that showed through the sheer top that she was almost wearing. She wanted to know WHAT the instrument was. She is a singer with a punk band called Lilith's Fallen Children. And liked the sound. Her look was not punk, her voice cadence was valley girl, and her overall appearance was grunge or goth. I looked up the band. They need a publicist because I found nothing online. She took one of my cards and may follow the blog, so Astral, if you are seeing this, get your gang together and get some videos done and create a channel on YouTube. You can't get famous if no one knows who you are. I did explain what a Saxophone was. Apparently, the kiddies (Lilith's Fallen Children) have a drummer, a lead guitarist, and a bass player. I forgot to ask what Astral does for the band. If she lets me know through e-mail, I will let you know. And if they are any good, I will post a link. Hell, I will post a link even if they aren't any good. Who am I to judge?

Time in New England

I am in New York State right now, in the Adirondacks. It is a beautiful experience, even though I dislike driving in the mountains. But I am pensive because I know that tomorrow, I head into New England, directly into Maine. I have not been in Maine for over a decade, and that was when I was with USA Truck. I don't remember it being a positive experience. I hope that I am remembering wrong. Anyway, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, I will pop into Chep, get loaded, and be on my way.

The meditation for today

I concentrated on the self today. Inner reflection of mind, body, and spirit. And I am feeling old. But not old in a decrepit way, old in a wise way. I know that sounds a bit arrogant, but I am watching the world go by right now, and I wish that most people would grow the hell up. So anyway, the image for today represents my inner crotchety old man. I like it.

Time in New England

Way too much waiting today on both ends of the run. I was up and in motion, doing my job as expected, but things are delayed. Then I get into motion, and things are delayed. I go to unload... well, you get the picture. At the end of the day, I was down to just minutes on my 14-hour timer. It has taken me 48 hours to get 300 miles. I did put in for detention pay, but I am sure that they are not going to pay it. Le'sigh. I got out of CHEP in Scarborough, ME, and checked the GPS for parking. Pretty much nothing within 50 miles. But that is Maine. They are not big on trucks. I would not park at CHEP because even though they allow street parking, it was not safe. So I hit the service plaza back on I95. Maybe a Starbucks and Burger King? Yeah, not going to happen because everything closes when the sun goes down. Damn Maine!

The meditation for today

Today was a concentration on the world around me. And the image unintentionally reflects that. If you look at the stone in the center, it looks like a giant sitting on a mountain, palming his face. And that is how I feel about the world around me nowadays. I hear people spurting out ignorant spews of talk and making no sense. And I can't understand how we got here. Has it always been this way?

Up and At em

I was up and in motion early. I got my new pre-assignment heading into Rhode Island and then into Virginia. Joygasm, all sarcasm intended. I knew, starting out, that today would be a cluster mug. See, I didn't swear! Yeah me! I got into the dock in Warwick, RI, right on time and was out of there fast. As you see above, I communicated the potential for failure on this load, and it took all day for a resolution. It was annoying. But I got through it and made it to the Shippensburg, PA. Terminal for a 34-hour reset. I am not really happy about doing the reset at a terminal, but I will suck it up and make the best of it.

General Reflections

My skin is getting thin when it comes to other people. The people at the dock in Rhode Island started the ball rolling today. They barely spoke English, and they did not communicate. When I got there, they did not even ask me for a pickup number. It was more of a What do you want? interaction. I felt more like I was doing a drug deal in a back alley than picking up a product. They just told me Door Four and no other instructions. I did my best and was out of there. The dock sucked. It was tight, but I managed with a bit of wiggling, and I did not hit anything. Then there was the drive. I am pretty sure that every silver hair in the New England area was out today, and they were riding in the right lane, doing half the speed limit. I counted 50 of them before I stopped counting. But that leads to another issue. I would get behind one of these rolling road-blocks, and then I would have to shift to the center lane. Once there, I would get past the slower driver, and then, almost every time, another car would slip in behind me, pass the slow driver, and then jump right only to speed past me in the slow lane. Yep, passing a truck on the right. It really grinds my gears. This may happen all the time and I am just noticing it today, but I don't think so.

The grumpy cat

Yes, the grumpy cat is here and preening himself. Meow, Hiss, Hiss. I am moody as hell, but I think that it is because last week was such an excellent week, and then after that break, the last 70 hours have been a fight uphill. Yes my gentle readers, I am feeling like Sisyphus. And yes Mon Amour (Laura - the Wife), I used the reference properly this time. NOTE: Recently, I had a similar feeling and used the wrong Greek reference and my everpresent and wonderful wife corrected my usage. Of course, when she did, it made me go back and read the story of Sisyphus. Poor guy. As for right now, I have that boulder rolling up the hill, and it has me moody as hell, but I have all day tomorrow to get that cat in a carrier and toss him some catnip. Everything starts with a plan. And the plan is to scrap this week, rebuild my mental position, and get ready for 70 hours of riding the roads of America! Or maybe napping a lot. I have not decided which.

The meditation for today

The meditation for today was with intent. I have dedicated the entire day to balancing my mental state and getting things done. I need focus, purpose, and attitude. I need my inner cat, and not the grumpy one. So the artwork for today represents my internal Wampus Cat. (If you don't know the reference, it is a Cherokee legend about a shapeshifting cat). I would have concentrated on my inner Bakeneko (Japanese shape-shifting cat), but I am not in the mood to dance around with a napkin on my head. Anyway, the image for today shows my inner pussycat peeking out through the eyes. I like the eyes, but I am not sure about the rest.

The other two images

Today, because I am on a 34-hour reset, I pulled out my drawing tablet and just let my imagination run wild to see where it would take me. It took about four hours to create two images. But they have a common theme. Home. When I draw in photoshop and concentrate on the mental images of home, this is what comes out. The technique is pretty basic, with base shapes and then filters applied. The only stuck images that I used were on the house because I just could not get it right, but I think that they both came out pretty well.

Up and At em

I got up early and put my butt into gear. I am trying to make the best of being at the terminal, whatever that best may be. I spent the day relaxing, meditating, and getting stuff done. I think that I did pretty well. But like I said, not my first choice of shut down points. I have finished Sucker Punch by Hamilton, and I am on to The Partner by Grishom. It is a nice change. I did a bunch of school and worked my extra classes. I did some noodling on the Sax, and watched a few shows. I have fallen in love with Enola Holmes, but not the actress, the character. She is very Homesaian. Well played. If you get a chance, you should check it out. But the first one, not the second one. It is much better.

The meditation for today

Today was the wandering mind. No concentration on anything just whatever came. Then the picture was the same. Just loading random filters and manipulators. I am really digging this project this month, and I think that I should come up with a Theme for December. Maybe not use the same picture all the way through, but use guided meditation on a single theme for a month. That could be fun. Maybe? I believe the image here reflects my being in New England this past week. I know that the meditation was long rocky beaches and a lighthouse on the bay, which is a memory of living up in Maine for a while, and I think that my lizard brain hooked onto that. Or I could just have clouds on the mind. Who knows?

Rough Start

I woke up this morning and did a faceplant in the truck. I tripped over nothing at all. It felt like there was a cat between my feet. Of course, once I turned on the lights, I looked for said cat, and it was not there. Weird start to the day. I am supposed to be all relaxed and all after my break. I am not. I did my exercise, meditation, Yoga, and some Sax, and then it was time to roll. You see the work fiasco above and it ended with me sitting in Franklin, VA for the weekend, on another 34-hour break. But I am trying to take it with a grain of salt. I shut down at the Love's, got some Chicken because I forgot to pull meals, and then watched the first two episodes of Paper Girls on Prime. It is a good premise, but man the storyline drags out. I tossed it into the pile of things that I will do when I am old and gray. Okay, maybe just gray, I am already doing the old thing. :)

Driving Forward

So I have two days to get my stuff in order and then I will run my tailfeathers off and see what happens. But for the next two days, I am going to pre-work school, get some art and writing done, and do some heavy noodling on the Sax. If I sit on my butt for another two days, it is going to be a really bad thing. I will get home in about three weeks, and I really don't want to show up there as a grumpy cat. I MAY have to move my home time back by a day to accommodate the new task with CHR. Just to make things easier. We shall see.

The meditation for today

Stoic and strong, blinded in one eye. The eye that sees the world through rose-colored glasses. My meditation today removed those glasses and allowed the cynic and grumpy cat to emerge. But that is okay, I have been both before, and I can deal with it.

Sometimes I sits...

There are times that I sit and wait, and there are times that I just sit. Today is one of those sit days. The entire day was spent on school and then relaxing. Once I got my paper done, I watched some inane sitcoms, a movie or two in the background, did my French and some artwork, and then some very heavy meditation. This sitting is really getting on my nerves, but only one day to go, and then, in theory, I would be able to pop into a routine; at least, that is the thought.

The meditation for today

With all the meditation that I have had for the past couple of days, I tried to get the root of my thinking. I am trying to do a lot of balance and zen work, mostly because I that there is a slippery slope if I lose contorl. But meditation today kept driving to a Zen garden being overlooked by an elderly Asian couple. They would not talk to me, they simply watched. And when you consider that these are targeted meditations, that is interesting that it would wander to a place that I did not take it. The original thought for teh meditation was mountains, nothing more. Interesting.

The meditation for today

For today, blank mind and concentration on the self. The above image is the result of that. I have no idea what to make of that. Hmmm

Trial By Fire

There is not a whole lot of personal today because it was all work for the most part. I did finish The Partner by Grishom, and I don't know if it is me or not, but the ending was highly predictable. Shrugs. Early morning was cleaning up the truck and getting on the road, and when I hit the TA in Hurricane, WV, I made some rice and then went to sleep. I was not even in the mood to watch a show. Just turned on my music and off to sleep.

The meditation for today

I am feeling very rushed, and therefore fuzzy, today. And the art for today reflects that. I am out of focus, and so is the world around me.

Rainy Days

The weather outside is frightful. But I will not break into Christmas songs. It is close to freezing, and it is raining. Not a good mix. Today was mostly work. I rolled from Hurricane, WV to New Baden, IL. And I got to shut down in a Love's today, so I have coffee and tea in the morning.
I am digging the new job, or should I say, division. The only thing that I don't like is the micromanagement. They have an app that you must install so that they can track you from the CHR dispatch center, and you have to call in by 1000am every morning with a status update. That seems redundant to me. I don't know if that happens on all loads, or just the type that I am on. I will find out Friday I guess.

The State of the Nation

Okay, so I have been so busy reading The Partne and now The Man from Mundania that I have been ignoring my podcasts and the daily news. I caught up today. I really wish that I hadn't. How have we come to this? I mean, seriously, is there something in the water? I will not go into specifics because, honestly, it is like a train wreck...with burning puppies...a lot of them. I can't help but wonder what it will take to change things. One thing that I will mention. Many drivers here at my company are getting a bit freaked because of freight numbers. But it is not just this company. The entire industry is holding its breath right now. Partially due to fuel prices and partially due to the supply chain breakdown. Make no mistakes, Big Oil is taking advantage of the political situation, and they are rolling in the money and blaming the economy. And apparently, the current administration is unable or unwilling to call them on it. But trucking is not going anywhere anytime soon. As I told my fellow drivers, trucks bring stuff, and people want stuff, so people need trucks. Simple as that.

The meditation for today

Today, I went in search of my inner emotional state. I hide a lot from the world and sometimes even from myself. I have gotten a lot better at it, and letting go, but there is always something sitting below the surface. So I went poking the kitty. And look what I found. I am angry. Now I just have to figure out what I am angry at, but one step at a time.

Almost done

I am almost done with my first week running the C.H. Robinson account, and I am not sure what to think of it just yet. This first load was a special product, so there was all kinds of tracking and extra steps that have to be done. We shall see as time progresses.

Bring on the chicken

I have this run timed so that I can reach my receiver just in time, not early, not late. So that gives me a bit of extra time. I used that time to cook my Asian Chicken in the Air fryer. It came out pretty good. Nice and crispy. That is promising. I have a lot of things to try on Hometime..which is only about two weeks away. I am looking forward to it.

The meditation for today

I do not believe that I have ever had a negative meditation in my entire life. Until today. It was filled with bugs and spiders. I have no idea why my focus went to that type of thing, but I could not bring myself away from it. And of course, as it has all month, the art for the day reflects that meditation. Let's not have too many more of them, please.

Shopping time

It was mostly a work day, but I did take one side trip. I had the time, and the ablity, to stop at a Love's that is right next to Sooper King, a grocery store that is actually a Kroger. I picked up about $50 worth of food to round out the truck food. This month is a bit tight because of the extended time out and all. But that is okay. I picked up some steaks to try in the air fryer on my break. I also picked up Godon's breaded fish, french fries, pizza rolls, and some fresh stuff. Then, back on down the road to Burlington. I made my fish and fries and they came out great.

The ongoing Saga

There is a lot going on in the world right now, both the the macro level (the world, government, politics, etc.) and the micro level (personal and interpersonal). On the macro level, the GOP managed to grab the house. And of course, they promise they will stall everything they can until they fully gain leadership. This is right up there with being five years old and telling a bully that if he hurts you, they will have to pay your doctor's bill. It is childishness. And of course, Trump has said that he is going to run again in 2024. It is just plain silly at this point. On a micro level, I am really disappointed in the company. They are outright lying to drivers now. They pushed this update on the Freightliner, which was done with intent and for a reason, and I understand that. But they have instructed the shop to pass the buck and say that Freightliner pushed this update out. Anyone with common sense knows that it is not true. They cannot dictate idel rules for the entire industry. That type of thing is set on a company level. They just don't want to take the heat. It is very disappointing. I am becoming disheartened by the world, and that might just be the bugs I am seeing during my meditation; time will tell.

The meditation for today

Okay, I admit it. The meditation from yesterday was disturbing. So today, it is peace, love, and magick mushrooms. I meditated on the hippy side of me that sees the world through a bit of a purple haze.

Out of Colorado

I am out of Colorado and into Kansas. I have set up an appointment for Monday to get my heater fixed after I drop this load of beans. And for the most part I am tired-grumpy. But I should be able to shut down for a 34-hour break tomorrow. I am not sure how that is going to work, but we shall see. This is the end of the workweek as it stands. Tomorrow morning, I will roll another 10 hours of so, then that will be it. Then I can get some stuff done.

The meditation for today

My exploration of self for the day was on creativity since I am going into a 34-hour break. The image that came to mind, then made it into the photoshop-artwork for the day, was steampunk. I guess that fits. I don't really like the image, but I said one per day.

Break time

I rolled my butt hard and made it into Indiana, shutting down at the Love's. I thought that I liked this one, but I don't. It has a really rough parking lot and it is difficult to get properly parked. But I got into a spot and then put on my potatoes! Yep, it is baked potato time, among other things. The potatoes came out excellent. They take just under an hour to cook, I added some butter, pepper and cheese, and they were almost a meal. I have added a bag of medium-sized potatoes to my shopping list. I have to be careful about the size. I picked up two of them, one was a bit too big to cook properly. But I got it in my head now.

After the shut-down

I usually pull in and shut down when it is reset time. But this time, I figured that I would get a few things done, such as the potatoes above. I updated blogs, and journals and all, and then relaxed a bit.

The meditation for today

Even on a 34-reset, I am sad. And I am not sure why I am sad. Life is good, I really have little to complain about, but today is sad. I meditated on my sadness, and it made me sad. I guess I am allowed to be sad once in a while?

Oye, plus some Vey

I would say that today was mostly a calm day. I spent the day in the cab, and it was cold. But not terribly so. I had to put myself in the queue for a shower, and it took forever to get through the line. This is one busy place. But on the bright side, I did some cooking. I got to eat my popcorn shrimp for lunch and then Steak and Brussels Sprouts for dinner. It came out pretty good in the air fryer. And I did not blow a fuse, even with the truck not running. I am going to count that as a win.

Plodding through the day

Because of where I am in the parking lot, I only have very limited internet. And since I am here for about 45 hours, that really limits me. But on the positive side, it takes away the distractions. Woo hoo. I got my French done and played some sax. I got my art lessons and my C++ lessons done and caught up in school. I have a mild headache, but I read the remaining 240 pages of my course text for Arizona Global and all the associated references. I cleaned the truck, did my exercise and meditation, and then I tried something new.

The dream lady

For as long as I can remember, I have had these dreams of a woman, and I cannot remember who the hell she is. I know that I have known her, and she does not spark positive or negative feelings, just a sense of memory. So in a second meditation today, I tried to get her image out of my head. I pulled down the old tablet, and this is what came out.

I think it is a pretty good drawing. Just wish that I had some idea who the Model was.
Anyway. Tomorrow it is back to work, and I am only about 12 days out of home at this point. I am looking forward to home time.

The meditation for today

Today was a concentration on the writing side of me and the mythical beasts of my mind to put into words. I think that the images that popped in through the random filters are wraths or some other type of shade. I think that I like it.

The mood giveth, the mood taketh

This was an extremely negative day. When I got the news that there would be an extended wait, my mood dropped through the floor. I was trying to figure out what to do, and then in the end, I chose to go to sleep. Though it goes into tomorrow, I wound up sleeping a total of 16 hours. NOT good, and it is a mood thing. I am hoping that tomorrow will be better. I did get my artwork and meditation done, as well as stuff like my art and French lessons, but it was an uphill battle the entire day.

The meditation for today

I was able to get my mood under control, and my meditation reflects that. Today, my artwork reflects a guarded but upward mood.

Ah, Balance

Okay, I have things under control. I slept for 16 hours and woke up moody but refreshed. Then I grabbed it by the horns and got it fully under control. I packed my stuff up and hit the terminal to wait. I interacted with a few drivers throughout the day but pretty much just worked on my projects. I got a lot of reading, as well as some of my projects done. I am not liking sitting and waiting, but at least I am not sulking today. So that is something a bit better. I am a bit pensive over the next 24 hours of so, because if they don't get me moving in the morning, there is a good chance I will be sitting here until Monday. And that is really going to piss me off. But one day at a time my friends, one day at a time.

The meditation for today

Eyes closed a slash across my mind, accepting that which the universe is handing me. No surrender, but little will to fight. Will I rally, or will I sink into the ground, defeated and denied...only time will tell. But to those that know me, you know that I may sink to the bottom now and then, but I am born to rise!

T-minus...

Managing the mood is challenging right now. I have been sitting way too long, and I am pensive about what will happen when and if they get the truck fixed today. Of course, as you see above, they dragged it down to the final hour before releasing it. This company has been looking for ways to save money and cut corners, and they really need to turn their eyes to our shops. The wasted time, and therefore money, is an abomination.

The pendulum swings

As I write this, I am in a very negative headspace. I feel lost and abandoned. I let operations know what was going on, and I only asked for an answer. Even if I would not like that answer. And I got nothing back from them. They could not give me the courtesy of a Sorry but you are sitting with zero miles for the week - nothing we can do. I would settle for a jello pudding and a kiss my ass. To be left stranded in a terminal with no amenities, no anything, and no information about what may or may not happen is, for lack of a better word, insulting. I think that I actually feel like an abused child, screaming out in the night with only echoes to answer me.

Enough of that

Okay, that was dramatic. But I had to get it out. Sometimes you have to poke the wound and make it hurt a bit to help it heal. It is going into Thanksgiving, and the shop screwed around all week, stretching out jobs and taking their sweet time. They don't give a damn about the drivers, and operations has their hands tied, so they feel that silence is a good answer. They wonder why people leave in droves. But I am not like that. I will not starve, I have talked to the wife and she is aware of what is going on, and we are fine. So they can't hold me down, I was born to rise. (Okay, I admit it sounds cool, but I stole it from Lzzy Hale and Halestorm). I ended the day by eating some Asian chicken and watching the first two episodes of the new Netflix series Wendsday, which is a long overdue spinoff from the 1964 comedy The Addams Family. It is cute. But I really don't think that they captured idea put forth by Charles Addams 60 years ago. Wednesday just isn't morbid or psychotic again. And there is no spark between Gomez and Morticia. Add to that the inclusion of Christina Ricci as Marilyn Thornhill, the only normal teacher, and it is just weird. I had to look up the series to find out what part Ricci played, because she looks nothing like herself. Oye. But it was a cute distraction. I may or may not finish watching the series.

The meditation for today

As I have had extended time on my hands for the past few days, I finally took some extended meditation time, and became one with myself and the world around me. As you can see from today's image, I am now content, even with the setbacks of the week. I am counting this as a win.

Thanksgiving

I have never really liked Thanksgiving, but that is because of what it represents. However, that is not the focus of the day. Instead of putting energy into the reality of what the holiday celebrates, it is better to focus on what it has come to represent. And no, I don't mean big meals and excess. I mean the coming together of friends and family and the beginning of a season where human beings act just a little more human to one another.
Right now, I am in a Love's in Marion, IN, without a Turkey sandwich or an open Mcdonald's. But I have Beer battered fish, french fries, and Love's has coffee and tea. Not a terrible ending to my breakdown adventure. Tomorrow, I will head into Fort Wayne, IN, first thing in the morning and we shall see what the weekend is going to bring. But for now, let's do a few updates.

All around updates

I have not done a full update in quite a while, mostly because each day has required a significant meditation and a new piece of artwork. And then there are the past four days where I have had some serious time on my hands, but no get-up-and-go to do anything due to a negative mood and mindset. So here we go.
The mood thing: I have been on a negative emotional roller coaster for most of the month. It is the 25th of the month, and I have run about 3500 miles. I should be running that a WEEK. And it is bumming me out. The fact that I am getting little or no feedback from the company is not helping. But this is a temporary situation. Things are changing, I am just not sure if they are changing for good or bad; only time will tell. As Lzzy Hale of Halestorm says in Freak like me THEY CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN, I WAS BORN TO RISE.
About the writing: The writing is coming along. I am working on the fantasy novel, the collection of short stories, and the politcal commentary. I give one of them some attention each day. I am thinking that at least one of them should be ready in the first quarter of 2023.

Enough for now

I think that is enough for now. I don't know what the next few days will bring, so maybe a few more updates. But for now, I will give your eyes a rest.

The meditation for today

A retrospective of the self shows me that I am two people. One on the surface and one beneath. The one on the surface is calm and controlled, the one beneath is far from that. Looking at the self can be an interesting experience.

Once more into the breach

I am moving again, and the mood is still a bit wishy-washy. But I am dealing with it. I had my adventure from above at the Fort Wayne Pilot, but shut down about 20 miles away instead. I stocked up the truck for the last time before home time and then took a nap because my head was killing me. I got up after a few hours, did email, school, second meditation, and yoga, and got caught up on a few things. I am not thrilled about going into PA, especially near Allentown. I am thinking about those loads that were headed into New York that got dropped at the Allentown yard due to the snow in New York. Now that the roads are clearing, those are going to have to be delivered. That makes me itchy. The saving grace it that they are probably not C.H. Robinson loads, and I SHOULD not have to take care of them. However, if i have to, the True up should still be in place, and that will make for a decent week een if things are really nasty in the North-East. Assuming they can get me back to Memphis by December 3. We shall see.

The meditation for today

Continuing the journey of self-discovery and self-mastery, I look into the mental magic mirror and really see myself. I may be hard, annoying, and even a little evil, but to those that matter, I am not. And I can live with that.

I had to weigh options. My pickup is wide open today and only 90 minutes away. But I have until midnight to get rolling on it. Then a 500 mile jolt over to PA. Choices, choices. I choose for an early start. And it appears to have been the correct choice. I got to the pickup and it went like clockwork. I stopped in Brookville, PA. and was going to shut down for 2 days, but chose instead, to press on. I made it all the way into Mifflinville, PA., about 90 minutes from my drop for Monday evening. Then it was down time. Not a whole lot around here, but I am close, and I can hope for something good to start my week before hometime. We shall see.

Time on my hands

I think that I am rocking an 80s band theme today. Working for the weekend? (Loverboy) and Too much time on my hands? (Styx). I remember those songs. I got up and got my ass into motion right away. I immediately went for the brain stuff and got my paper completed, spell-checked, and uploaded. Two more weeks to go, then I have FOUR classes left in this degree. It is kinda a big thing. I pushed through the day, made it to the Love's closest to the drop for Monday, and then chose not to waste the next two days. I am tired, but I am pushing through. I used the rest of today to relax, and tomorrow is a personal work day so that I will work through some projects. I am running very low on food, and I had to do Arby's for dinner. Not the greatest choice, but tolerable.

People that stay home

How do people sit on their asses all day, day in and day out? I am going stir-crazy. I have fired up the Roku, and across something like five services, I could not find a single thing that I wanted to roll in the background. I have hit my limit on so-called entertainment. So I fired up Pandora and set it to random, rolling everything from Pink Floyd to Enigma and everything in between. With a bit of luck, there will be a nice long entry tomorrow. We shall see.

I am on something like my third 34-hour break in eight days. I am not letting it get to me, and I am headed home (hopefully) this next weekend. So when I get back, this has to change, or I may have to look for other options.

The meditation for today

I am not uptight. I think that is excellent. My meditation for today, as well as the art-reflection, show me as serene, and I can accept that.

Down Again

I managed to get a pretty decent night's sleep, but I still woke up in a grumpy mood. Last night, I had the Diablo Dare from Arby's, which gave me very negative dreams. That thing is just vicious. It is a roast beef sandwich with all kinds of toppings, a very hot pepper powder, and then a side of loaded fries with the same additions. It was good, just hot as hell. Buyer beware.

Running the gambit

I am not letting yet another down day get to me. Last night, I watched a movie and relaxed, but I woke up ready to roll this morning, even if I was on the negative side of the playground. I Hit meditation and email first thing and got coffee; always a good start. Then it was time for Yoga and exercise. Then it was on to a well overdue project of clearing out 10 years of stale email from multiple inboxes. That was a lot of fun. Then it was time to set up my 2023 journal. That took the better part of four hours because it required thought. I am a lot more detailed this year than I was last year. Normally, near the end of the year, I will assess the previous year, and to be honest, I am usually disappointed in myself. Granted, this year, I spent a lot of time as Grumpy Cat, but even with that and all the delays, it was a very positive year. And now, I am going to make 2023 even better. In theory, this should be my last year as a truck driver and my last year living in Tennessee. But that remains to be seen. Time can be quite a bitch. I have some pretty lofty goals for the coming year. With all the brain work, I also took a total of five hours of meditation in 2.5-hour blocks. I really don't like the way my head has been lately, and I have been partially prone to depression, mostly because of the downtime and the alone time in the cab. But I think that I have it under control. I did not waste the day.

Time to relax

Once I got everything on my list done, and I did get everything on this list done, it was time for some silly distraction. I chose Mean Girls and then some random music with artists I have never listened to. Not terrible. I finished off the rest of my hot dogs and avoided Arby's again. I will work something out later in the week for my missing meals. I do not do well with 48+ hours down, especially since this is something like the third time in 10 days that it has happened. I ended the day with some noodling on the saxophone and a cup of Columbian. I am down to 4 servings to last me until the end of the week. Oye.

More more day, mostly

I am already feeling ants in my pants and the need to move. It was chilly and raining like hell all day, but I am not even close to being able to move. I don't deliver until 5:00 pm tomorrow night, so I have almost another full down day. I will use much of it to sleep, but we shall see what happens.

Most of the day was sitting in my butt in Mifflinville, PA waiting for my window to open up to drop. I am antsy and ready to go home. I got the truck ready and rolled out with plenty of time to get dropped. Yeah me.

Lumpers

I have not said anything about lumpers in quite a while. So I will repeat myself here. Lumper services, used by big warehouses, are such a scam. They use these services so that they do not have to pay, offer benefits, and manage employees. These are external services that are employed to load and unload trucks at warehouses. But they are the cock of the walk. For instance, at a distributor, I had a 5:00pm appointment. They staged all the incomming trucks until they were all accounted for, and then they brought us all in together. The only problem is that they only do one truck at a time. So they bring in 10 trucks, and then process them in DOCK order, not by order of appointment. The end game being that some of us sat there for three or more hours waiting, only to pay their prime rate for their services. So, the drivers PAY THEM to sit and wait, while making no money. All-in-all, it cost me about $90 to pay them to unload the truck. You can't say anything about it, and you can't make them move any faster. I believe that these warehoses should EMPLOY people, not hire outside sources at premium rates. Of course, you can unload your own truck, assuming you have your own materials and get certified. But only those that go into these places daily can do that, It is such a farce.

The meditation for today

I have had way too much time on my hands lately. My meditation today, and the new artwork, show an uncommon euphoria, but I am not sure if it is a good one or a bad one. I feel very disconnected from the world now, and I just want this week to be over.

Treading Water

As with meditation, I feel way too passive about things. Things are starting not to matter anymore. My drive is going through the floor, and I am sleeping way too much. Last night, I got about seven hours of broken sleep, waking up about every 90 minutes from disturbing dreams. I got up, showered, cleaned up the truck, and ate breakfast. Once I talked to the wife, I went back to sleep for another four hours to drive through the night if I had to. This is very uncharacteristic of me. I am not blue, not depressed, not angry, and in some ways, I feel that I should be. I will be home for about a week. This month is almost over. When I come back, we better be rocking gangbusters and rolling hard, or I think that I just might lose my cool. After this week and next week, I will be done with my current course, leaving me with four courses to go for this degree. In theory, that is about 24 weeks, the way they stack the courses. That is LESS than half a year. Things are coming down to the line.

Using the Downtime

I used the downtime to set up the 2023 day planners and such. I still have to set up both sites for next year, but I figure that I will do that while I am home next week and have the big machine to get things done. I am setting a very hectic pace with a lot to do and a lot of checklists for 2023. It is exciting. I should be coming to the end of my driving career as well as the end of my (formal) education career. Time will tell.

I spent the night in the Allentown terminal. What a mess. They took a perfectly good, large terminal, and chose to drop a concrete building right in the middle of it. Granted, it is supposed to eventually be a new service center, but I am not sure what they are thinking. Once they put in the shop, there will be almost no parking. Oh well. Glad I am not in charge. But I got into motion and into Hazle TWP, PA. to pick up my pet food, and I was on my way to Georgia. I shut down in Tom's Brook for the night.

The meditation for today

Sometimes, you just have to see yourself as pretty. I know that I am not pretty by any extension of the word, but I can still see myself that way sometimes.

Winding Down

The final week out. Last night I got a bit frustrated with the lumper situation, but I hit the Allentown, PA. terminal and shut down for the night. There is no internet, and very little in the way of accommodation. However, they do have at least 10 washers and dryers. I will have to remember that. I got up early, and there was still no assignment. I did the morning thing including exercise, Yoga, and meditation, as well as Arizona Global and my French, and then sent a message. The run is to McDonough, GA. Not great, but in the right direction. I have no idea where I am going after that.

When I shut down, I used the last of my meatballs and made some meatball parmasan and watched two episodes of Queen's Gambit. Not really the type of show that I usually like, but this one is pretty interesting.

The meditation for today

I made it through the month of November and got an image done every day. Today was the final image, and it shows the darkness and the light existing as one, which represents the darkness and light within me, the dreams and reality, the existence of me as a whole. I think that I have done very well on my self-reflection for the month. And December is right around the corner, in fact, those reading this will find it is already December. Tally HO.

Mostly work and a little play

I drove my ass off today to make tomorrow easier. I made it to Commerce, GA, about 90 miles from my drop and got a tiny, little Godfather's pizza. They have decreased the size and increased the price. OYE. But that seems to be happening with a lot of things lately. I am wondering when all this crap is going to come to a head.

The fun evening

I watched a cute Christmas movie, but I had to stop it a few times to play crossing guard. Well, not really, but I jumped out of the cab a few times to help drivers get into different spots. Ain't I special? I just got tired of watching them fight their ways in. It was me and a few other drivers that kept doing it. I did my Yoga, meditation, some sax, a bit of writing, and some more of the 2023 planning. I can't wait to get home in two more days. I am very tired.