It was a beautiful day between 78 and 84 degrees all day and I was able to complete the divination section of the ancient pathway site. Unfortunately I did not have time to exercise because I worked 11 hours and I was a bit Moody all day. Even though today is a Sunday I had to work because Dustin is on vacation and I had to play catch up. Physically I'm feeling pretty good but mentally I am on the side of a mountain looking down into the abyss. I'm doing my best to maintain a positive attitude but it is an uphill battle.

Today was another beautiful day even though it was a bit overcast, and i only had to work 9 hours. I got to put in about 5 minutes on the elliptical but that was about it. I'm very tired today but i am driven. That drive decrease throughout the day but there is nothing that I can do about that. It was actually a horrible day, but that was mostly due to work because with Dustin on vacation I have to do double duty. Add to that the fact that management was not aware that both Dustin and David we're both on vacation at the same time and things got a bit hairy. By the time I got home I was beyond exhausted and went right to bed.

The weather is working against me right now because it was 66 degrees Fahrenheit and rainy in the morning and sunny and hot in the afternoon. I got some of the ancient page done and we got a new kitten. Cute little thing. I did not get any exercise today because I am working back-to-back and my mood is variable if not mostly positive for the time being. The high point of the day was the kitten which for right now does not have a name. Work, of course, was the low point of the day but I can deal with it because I am on the downward slope for the week and I should get to rest shortly.

A hot and sunny day with no exercise and a 12 hour work shift. I am biting off the grumpy cat but that is mostly due to work. Today was just a very negative day that started out with a flat on the truck that took more than four hours to get fixed and it exhausted me before I started the work day. But the big excitement for the day was when I almost got T boned on Lamar Ave. When somebody ran a red light. I thank Lilith that I was paying attention and saw him coming before he could hit me. That could have been a really bad day so I will take it as a positive end, at least for now.

Today was another warm and sunny day but I did not accomplish anything other than work. I did not get any exercise done but I managed to work two shifts with a short local run and then down to the dump. These days are getting worse. I had another two flat tires today and by the time I got everything fixed I was running out of hours of service. Don agreed to have me let neighbors fix the tires even though it is more expensive, and jeff informed me that john would not be able to help me because he was overbooked as well. This is turning into one hell of a long week and it is getting very frustrating.

The days just seem to be getting worse and this was another very negative day. The stores were much heavier than anticipated and considering that this is Friday, the supposed end of the week, I still had ten stores left to service plus they run to the dump. Also, because I've been running very long days I only have 14 hours of service left which leaves me with very few options. I did speak to Dustin and he agreed to come off of vacation a day early and run the dump so that I could get the rest of the stores serviced. But even with that things are going to be running very tight for a very long time.

We're back to the start of a new week with warm weather but thunderstorms on and off. I managed to get back on track with my journaling but i did not get any exercise and that has me in a very bad mood. I got a late start this morning because I had to go to the dentist and by the time I got rolling I was in a bad mood. The stores were extremely heavy and it was a very long day.

It is Independence Day, but it was hot and rainy. I took the time to get down my programming books and create a plan to study some programming in different languages, so that is an accomplishment but it still has me in a blue mood regardless of what I do. It was not the best day mostly because it was hot and overcast as well as rainy for most of the day. The stores continue to run extremely heavy and I had to skip five of them. Added to those issues I had intruding stray thoughts about long gone relationships that were not positive aspects of my previous life. No matter how hard I tried I could not skip these away and they kept drifting back into my mind. I do not take it as an omen or anything like that, only that my negative mood is producing negative memories and negative thoughts. That is never a good thing.

I jumped out of bed and faced another overcast day and that lasted through the entire day. I did not get any personal accomplishments completed and I did not get any exercise. Overall i am in a very bad mood and i feel defeated. This was just another very bad day and no amount of positive affirmations is going to help. I have no help coming from work and I am 12 stores behind with my pickups. To compound the issue, David informed me that there is a new contract with Kroger and a total of 21 new stores that are going to be added to my area. Nothing has been said about adding another truck and driver or rerouting other areas to pick up some of the load. So we will see what happens with that. Finally, even though I got to the dentist early this week, my teeth are killing me and it is becoming very annoying.

Even though I'm trying to carry a positive attitude into the future, it is not working very well at this point. My personal life is suffering because of work and working 12 hours a day is starting to grind on me. My mood continues to slip even though I try to maintain the positive, I'm just not doing very well at it right now.

Finally, I got some very good weather and it was clear and warm all day. I started the day first thing in the morning resetting the router and getting back on track with some of my creative ventures. I got some serious exercise by digging A trench for the pool and even though my mood was scattered and annoyed I continue to drive forward. I am just not getting enough downtime recently. Today was simply annoying. Even though I felt better physically I spent the most of the day extremely tired and annoyed at everything around me. Even though I recognize this as normal fatigue, there is very little that i can do about it until i get a break that is longer than a day.

Today was another sunny and hot day with no accomplishments and no exercise to speak of. I continue to be distracted and annoyed by the world around me and work did not help. It was another extremely heavy work day but I only had to leave three stores unserviced today which is much better than I've been doing. But that also means that I'm going to have to pick those up tomorrow. I was done very early at 11 AM this morning but I was in bed a little after 1:00 PM, exhausted, as usual.

First things first, and that is the end of the affirmations. They are just not working out for me anymore so I'm going to cease entering those on each day. I may revisit them at a later time but for now they are gone. That being said, the world has gone to hell. My mood has hit rock bottom and I just do not have the mental capabilities to keep up the blog anymore right now. Work has become a constant struggle and every store is running with overages. I can barely get half the route done each day which puts me at half of day behind every day and I cannot catch up. There is no help coming from the company and I just have to persevere until this is over. It will probably be at least a month before I get back to my daily blogging, but we shall see.

I am back. So who missed me? I've taken almost a month off from my daily journaling and for the 30 days that are missing I have been in a terribly off mood. But now I have a little bit of extra time because last night I had to bring my truck all the way up to Jackson, Tennessee for service. Unfortunately, this causes way too much alone time and it gets my brain working. It gives me time to reflect on my world and my life and not in a positive way. Right now it has me feeling both down and extremely frustrated with everything going on around me. Especially when there's nothing that i can do about it.

The past 48 hours or so have been terrifying as hell and pushed me into a situation where I have had to face my mortality. I know that sounds extremely dramatic, but it is not far from the truth. I started to develop nosebleeds, which in themselves are not an uncommon occurrence. But this was a little bit different because they would not stop and it eventually sent me to the hospital twice. The first time I went in they were able to get them stopped and release me. However, as soon as I got home they started up again and this time I required an ambulance. At the worst point of this adventure, I was sitting in the emergency room with a large towel on my lap covered in my own blood and two very panicked looking doctors shoving a tampon, called a rhino rocket up my nose. Even with that extremely absorbent device in place, it still did not completely quell the bleeding. It turns out that something is wrong with my blood pressure and I was borderline stroke. Thankfully i never did stroke but I got to sit with something up my nose for the next week that has to be removed by a specialist. Not exactly my greatest moment in life and it did scare the hell out of me. I guess I have to look into taking better care of myself.

I did say that I wanted some extra rest and I got that over the past week but it was not enjoyable. I spent most of the week in bed forcing myself to sleep because of how uncomfortable I was with the rhino rocket up my nose. I went to Baptist Medical Group to have the rhino rocket removed but my blood pressure was way too high and I started to bleed again. The doctor sent me to a specialist and put me on meds, but the specialists will not take place until Friday. So that is a couple more days off work. Dustin has been running the route and is finally getting the taste of what it is like to be made and he is not happy about it. This month has just been horrible and I cannot wait to get into September.

I have experienced A paradigm shift in my life. It has been a very long 30 days after my nosebleed incident and I've begun to take life more seriously. I've made significant changes to my lifestyle including exercise and diet, as well as attitude. As a result of these changes I find myself with more energy and a more positive outlook on the world around me. Today was very long and hard but in a positive way, so i will take it.

Another day, another dollar. I was able to log into the computer within 15 minutes of legal even though I am feeling tired and achy. But at least I am hopeful that it will pass. However, some things were a bit annoying. I pushed as hard as I could and managed to finish my route early enough to make it to my doctor appointment, but unfortunately, I had the wrong day. That says something about my mental capabilities right now because I rarely make mistakes with time or dates. That is especially true since I had it written down and read it wrong. That is something new.

The work night was filled with a misty rain and dull depressing overtones. I set myself up to get a few stores ahead and get in early today but only half of that worked. I was able to pick up the extra stores but I was not able to get in as early as I intended I did wind up with a flat tire on the trailer and it had to be replaced. And of course, just as I got off, David called me and asked me to run a route in Jackson, Mississippi, 3 1/2 hours away. I told him that that was not going to happen but I would pick up four additional local stores to take the heat off the other driver. To add to the annoyance, I got an e-mail from the student loan company telling me that I have to pay $12150 a month starting in October. I'm going to have to give them a call and deal with that.

What a fulfilling day. I was able to finish my route plus the four extra stores by 4:00 AM and handed the truck off to Dustin for his last run. I got home and took a nap and then started on my weekend list. The weekend list included running to pawn shops looking for a guitar or violin and that was a lot of fun. When Laura got home I ran down to the music store for reeds and I talked to Bradley for a little while. He is involved in a start up and he wants me to take a look at it. I also got a call from a headhunter with TK systems about job placements and I'm going to meet her for lunch tomorrow. I ended out my day by taking lara's car up to Firestone and getting some work done. I'm going to count this as a very good day and go from there.