Battle lines are being drawn in the United States of America. And while I try to keep an open mind, I still have to observe the enemy.

Greetings: The month of June continued the trend in 2024 in issuing challenges that I had to overcome. I continue to press forward, but things are not as they were supposed to be. It was supposed to take six months for our site to ramp up, but it was not until the final week of June, well past the deadline, that things started to happen. I am told to be patient, but that patience is coming to an end.

The New Month.

My mood has not significantly improved, but I have a much better handle on it than I have had recently. Work continues to envelope most of my time, and that is very sad. But I do have my studio set up, and I have everything that I need to do the painting that is in my head. I am not sure if I'm going to get to it on Thursday or the weekend. I have to double-check my materials and go from there. I spent some time reading and writing, which is always helpful. As you can see from above, I also used the month of June to create three new pieces of digital art, and they are not anything like what I usually do. Yes, they are political. Me? With an opinion? Be afraid.

Movement.

Thankfully, I can still get up at a decent time without too many problems. I did have a minor issue with a cat on my legs, which kept me in bed a little longer than I intended, but no harm was done. I got the morning routine out of the way, pushed through the workday, and came home, pretty much going right to sleep.

Tired.

I was up in plenty of time and could make an excellent lunch, but once I hit the door at work, it was a mad dash to the end of the day. I spent my morning before work preparing myself mentally and my time after work relaxing so that I could have a good day off tomorrow. I have some pretty severe plans, but it will depend on the weather. We are pushing record highs and some severe humidity, so I am not sure I will be able to get out into the yard.

Not as planned.

Nothing ever goes as planned, and today was no exception to the rule. I found myself lacking in everything that I tried to do. I was missing a color for my painting, the edger blade needed to be replaced, and I did not have the glue that I needed for my models. So, I spent much of the morning sitting around on my buttocks. When Laura got home from work, she pointed out that this was just a minor setback and that I should run out and get everything I needed. It said that I could do the things that I had planned on Saturday. I considered it for about an hour and then headed out into the heat. I even ran into some problems doing that. When I got to the hardware store, I found out I had missed them by less than 5 minutes because they had closed early for the holiday. That meant I had to go up to the home improvement store, which is always a nightmare. But I managed to get my blades, the brush for my painting and the color that I was missing. I also picked up the lights for the garage, but it turns out that it is the fixture and not the lights, so that is something new on the to-do list for the house. I would not count today as productive, but at the very least, it was relaxing.

Wow, very tired.

I was exhausted when I hit the house in the evening. I stopped by Asian Star and got myself some crispy beef; that was all there was to it. I was so tired when I got home that I ate and went to bed. But the weekend starts tomorrow, and maybe I will have some success.

A good day.

I faced a rare, joyous day. Even my days off are usually filled with problems, but not today. I was up at midnight, which is not a good thing. I could not sleep, so I got up and went into motion. I was only up for a couple of hours, and then I lay back down and took a morning nap. Because of the time being off, I thought it would ruin my day, but it didn't. I wanted to get out and do the lawn this morning, but the ground was still too wet for the electric mower. But that created an opportunity. I was able to get done my dark canvas lighthouse. It should be in the blog in the next day or so.

Once I was done with the painting, I was unsure what I would do with my day, so I decided to work on the garage. Before I went to bed, I had set up my next workstation, and I had gone through and evaluated all the art brushes. The next workstation is for tinkering and jewelry making, and it is completely set up. Going through the art brushes was tedious. Nobody in the house has done painting for a very long time. The brushes are old and brittle. Because of that, they will have to be replaced if I continue. I've chosen two sets and put them on my Amazon wish list, and doing my lighthouse was quite therapeutic, but I am not sure where I will go from here. I could see blocking out three or four hours every weekend to do a new painting, but I am unsure if I'm willing to go through the expense. Time will tell.

I spent most of the afternoon and evening rearranging the garage into a full studio and work area. I am getting very close to where I want to be with it, and that is something - just a little more tweaking. I finished updating the blog, I got my cameras out, I'm charging the batteries, and everything is coming together. The tarot is a little disturbing, but it points to significant change. And change is good. Toward the end of the day, I read another chapter on my programming and edited my book. All good things come to those who wait, not those who wait too late. I still have a day of the weekend left, and I hope it will be as positive as it was today. That would be nice.

Productive.

The most important thing for today was getting the lawn done. I wanted to get both the front yard and the backyard done, but that was not in the cards. Instead, I spent almost 4 hours taking care of the front yard, getting the trees trimmed and the edging done. It was exhausting.

Once I was done with that, I headed inside, cooled off, and then spent the rest of the day working on minor personal projects. Most of the garage is set up, and I set up my new station with the workbench. I am pretty happy with the way things have turned out. I still have a few more things to move around, but that will be done. I watched a couple of good movies. Well, I did some stuff at my workbench. Then, it was time for bed and to prepare for the week ahead.

Breathe.

When things build up against you, you have to go back to the basics of life, breathing. In the current situation, that is what I have, and little else is available. I slept in this morning, mostly because I had a cat on my feet, but the extra sleep did not help. I was exhausted the entire day and did not wake up until I got home in the evening. That is a clear indicator of where the problem is. Even though I woke up when I got home, I went straight to bed as soon as I had decompressed from the day.

Negative.

My work life led to my home life, which I wanted to avoid. But that is not possible right now. I got up late and did not want to go to work, and when I finally got out of work, I hit the house and ate some beef stroganoff, and it was time for bed. I feel very negative, both physically and mentally. My emotional state at this time is tedious, at the very least. I have been unable to think of anything, any distraction, to move me from a negative to a positive state. I am beginning to question myself. And I know that I shouldn't, but I cannot help it. Negative reinforcement is a fact. And even when said in jest, there are negative statements that compound. I have to move on, and I am unsure how to do so.

Very Tired.

I overslept, and that started the day out rough. Work was a bit of hell, and by the time that I got home it was time for dinner and sleep.

No rest for the weary.

The morning did not start out well and I did not want to get out of bed. Laura actually made it out of bed before I did and that is never a good thing. Even with the minimum requirements of work today, I was still in a horrible mood and extremely tired. Just one more day until the end of the week and we shall see where that takes us.

End of the week.

I continued the habit from this week of sleeping late and got up less than an hour and a half before I had to go to work. I wore my boots with heels and open toes, and they were a hit. I have not been able to break this negative mood, but the weekend is here, and maybe I can get myself reset. I made myself some fish and French fries for dinner, and then I went off to bed.

Home stuff.

With a day off and work not bothering me, I had a wide open field ahead of me. I spent the morning doing inside projects and working on balance and center. Then it was time to tackle the backyard. It was one hell of a project, but I was able to get the entire thing done. I should have done the front yard as well, but that was not in the cards because i was exhausted. I watched movies and had a wonderful dinner, and worked on some of the stuff sitting on my workbench. I will count this as a positive day.

Rough around the edges.

I started the day by finishing the front yard, at least mostly. But it was sweltering and humid, and I did not stay out long because I picked up some poison ivy yesterday, and it was starting to spread. I finished up the lion's share of the front and then shut it down for the day. I worked on the garage, some of my projects, some writing, and transferring my educational media. Sometimes, it just takes baby steps.

Owie.

From a personal perspective, I am a little more to the miserable side of the Cliff than I like to be, even with everything that's been going on lately. I picked up some Poison Ivy over the weekend, and it is in the one place that is difficult for me to deal with. It is on the left side of my face. Medication has minimal effect on it, and it is difficult not to scratch. It made for a challenging day, but I survived. When I got home, I made some tomato soup and grilled cheese and had a lovely evening. Tomorrow is another day.

More owie.

I woke up itchy and miserable. I got into work and talked to Brittany for a bit and did my job. The things being off or bothering me, but I am not sure why. It is like the breaking of something. I left work about 90 minutes early and went to the People's clinic and got a shot for my poison ivy. I was feeling better quickly. That was nice. I even managed to get some sleep.

When you are knocked down and kicked in the teeth, there are many ways that you can respond. This is me right now, from my self-perception.

Freedom.

I overslept and felt uneasy this morning. But that was my lizard brain and predictive futurism kicking in. I knew it was coming, but I was unsure what IT was. I did not expect a termination in the middle of the week. It is just one more way that U.S. Xpress fails in business management. A mid-week termination does not allow for a cool-down period. If I am not who I am, it is a dangerous proposition. Thankfully, I am me, and there is no danger of a violent response. But that was still a risky chance when you consider what many people think about me.

The Aftermath: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I was strong. I went to Walmart, got my meds, and then went home. Laura had a horrible day, and I was in a better mood than I had been for a long time. But I may have been fooling myself. At least in part. As of midnight, I was still in a decent, if not snippy, mood, but sleep would not come. I lay in bed for close to four hours and nothing. I would doze off but then be wide awake five minutes later. I am putting this off as a form of post-traumatic stress, and I am sure that it will pass. It just may take a few days. I have already filled out 20 applications and have about 100 to do in the morning, and I have a couple of agencies. Or I may do SPARK driver or Uber driver for a while. The world is open to me.

The five phases.

Psychology offers us the five stages of grief when dealing with sudden loss. It may be overdramatic to include the loss of a job in such a paradigm, but from a psychological perspective, it can be done. If you are unfamiliar with the five stages, they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. I push through all five of these in a single day. And now it is time to move on. Today, I decided to send a final e-mail to the terminal leader of Memphis, and then I will erase this from my mental history. I can fight, and in retrospect, I might even be able to win. But it would be a very hollow victory because what would I win? That is not the way to do things.

Anyway, the situation caused me to get zero sleep. I had a bit of situational insomnia, which resolved itself in the evening. I probably went about 40 hours without sleep. When I look at the situation, that is not a terrible response, and by the end of the day today, I was back to normal. Exhausted but back to normal anyway. It's all good.

I spent the day in a mental haze and concentrated on the self. I put in about 200 applications and have already seen a return of about 10 offers. Granted, most of those came from headhunters in logistics. They're trying to get me to drive over the road. It is an option, but not one I am willing to embrace now. By the end of the day, I had made the choice that I was going to go for jobber work, at least temporarily. That will be stuff like Uber, Lyft, spark, and task rabbit. I'm going to get those processes in motion first thing in the morning. Because of how all of them are designed, it will give me, at least on the surface, a bit of freedom. I have to arrange for my dot physical and figure out what I am going to do about my twic card. I think that these are things that I need to keep up, just in case.

I got together my writing and artwork, and I rolled movies in the background while doing so. I accepted today as a down day cup, ending with Kentucky fried chicken for dinner, thanks to the ladies. I was in bed and asleep by 7:00, a well-deserved rest.

The show must go on.

There is a bit of depression surrounding my situation, but not nearly as much as I would have expected. I took the day to relax and chill out. I put the worries of the time behind me, and I worked on my work area in the garage as well as a few other projects. I sent an exit interview message to Larry, though I do not believe I will receive a response. If he were astute, he would not respond. And I do not think he is a stupid man, just misguided.

The rest of the day, I spent both studying and watching some entertainment. While working around the garage, I would keep my music rolling, which helped keep me in the groove. Things will be fine; I need them to get there a little faster or, at the very least, show me the way.

Work that mood.

I went to the farmers market first thing in the morning, but nothing was good there. That is not precisely true; there were good things there, but they were highly overpriced, even for a farmer's market. One place was charging $3 a tomato. I had gone specifically for an onion bagel, but they were $3 each as well. I tried one of the samples they had out, which was horrible, so I chose to bypass it. I dropped in on a few yard sales and then returned to the house to relax. I still have to find the tent, and I had a bunch of stuff I had to print off between today and tomorrow for Monday. It was a slow and steady day, and I did not accomplish much other than some writing, but I'm going to count it as a good day.

When you are unemployed, it is a good time to take stock of yourself and look inward. During that internal gaze, it is good to find your passions. These are not all of them, but it is a good representation.

Accomplished.

I rolled through today like a juggernaut but at a slow speed. Everything was time-intensive and methodical. I finished filling out and downloading all the applications, searched the attic for the tent, and started exploring the cubby in the garage. I filled out applications, took quizzes, and wasted 3 hours with Jeremy. I rolled a sitcom in the background and did a significant amount of writing. As you can see from above, I spent some time on some artwork and just floated through the day. I know that sounds contradictory, a floating juggernaut, but consider the iceberg. I'm sure you get my drift. All puns are absolutely intentional.

Moving on.

I slept in this morning, unsure if it was intentional or unintentional. But I walked through my morning stuff and then did the Uber test. I cleaned a little more of the garage, step by step, and did some more writing. Between afternoon interviews, I rolled the movies and worked on cleaning a few things up.

A bit tired.

I'm going to have to make some minor adjustments to my work-life balance, but it should be OK in the end. Yeah, even though I work 12-hour days, it is not making me nearly as tired as my 10-hour days at USX. Do not believe that I was fully prepared for that. But I will get it down to a routine. I've gotten behind with a few things, but I will get caught up by the weekend.

A bit late.

The most prevalent issue was getting out of bed this morning. I woke up a little later than I wanted to, and that put me hard-pressed for time. But I was awake and in motion and spent the day at work. I got home early enough that I could sit and go through the things that I had to get done and watch a movie. It's amazing how quickly I am falling into routine. But in a good way.

Oye.

An 18-hour work day did not leave much time for anything for myself. Aside from some conversations with my rider going to Knoxville, it was a very mundane day. And I am OK with that.

Since I had a little extra time on my hands, I tried one of the new plugins for Photoshop. This is a fully AI-driven creation. I gave it the parameters and told it to create an image for me. And this is me flying down the road, having a good old time.

I tried.

I tried to go to work today, but I was way too tired to be in command of my mini Starship. Even at home I was pretty lethargic and wanted nothing more than to sleep. Instead of going out and making money or being highly productive around the house, I played the bump on the log. This is going to be the official end of the week unless I decide to run out this weekend. I got my writing and my education in order, and I got some files moved around. And we will go from there.

Rest? Me?

I'm going to include this because it points to my frame of mind. First thing this morning, I was working on updating my commercial driver's license, and that required me to take a picture of my documentation and then transfer it to the Department of Transportation. This created 2 obstacles. The first obstacle was the fact that the website was not working, and it took almost two hours to get that portion of it complete. But the second part of the obstacle points to my frame of mind. While I was working through my morning and going through my normal startup routine, part of that included opening my minicomputer. When I went to open the clamshell, the hinges on the case disintegrated. They just ripped themselves apart. I looked down and sat in reflection for a moment realizing that this would normally be the time when I would grab the machine and toss it across the room. I looked at the hinges, smiled, and jumped right on the phone with technical support. I remembered that I have a warranty on this machine and I'm going to mail it in and have it repaired. Thankfully, everything that I have on that computer is backed up. It is amazing how minor changes can lead to two major effects.

Just like this previous week was a positive influence on my life, my first day off from the new job is exactly the same. I was up first thing in the morning and even had cat therapy before I got out of bed. I spent most of the morning working on the garage and even completed that project. I pushed through the day and got a lot of organization stuff out of the way. I sat down with Laura and talked money And then I went grocery shopping for some necessities and dinner. We ate dinner around the table after I cooked hamburgers, and then we played a game. It is very nice to have family time without the overlaying stress of worrying about tomorrow. I even found the tent and set it up to make sure that it would be a nice fishing run to one of the local parks on one of the upcoming weekends. Finally, I got an invitation from a group called EdX. They are college level courses at no charge. I signed up for the program and took the introduction course, and tomorrow, I will choose a path of learning. It's pretty exciting because some of these courses are offered by Harvard University and other high-end colleges. And the great thing is that they are certificate courses. You actually get your credit for them.

Antsy

Sitting and doing very little today was extremely difficult. I set my mind to it before today began, but I left the option of going to work available. I should not have given myself that option because, as I was doing other things, I was thinking about going to work, which was not good. I have a significant plan to turn things around, but I do not want to burn myself out in the process. So, I puttered around the house for most of the day and made a severe dent in the garage project. I only have one small area remaining that has to be dealt with. I think that is pretty good. I finished one of the books that Stephanie gave me, and it was exciting, but it was not for me. I will send her a thank you when I can. Finally, I've worked on my education. Can I choose a new course, five months long, from my new educational portal? It is an agile scrum program that is used in preparation for the PMP exam. It is something that I have already wanted to do, and now I can get it done at no charge. Now, I have to keep up with it.

Feeling decent

Even with the 12-hour work day, I am able to get things done. I set up my new course first thing this morning, and I will be able to start that tomorrow morning. When I got home, I went through the day, did a little bit of record-keeping, and relaxed. I was very tired, but I felt productive, and I believe this was a decent day.

Dreams

I think I am experiencing a return of my creativity because my thoughts were all over the place while driving today. I went through a portion of West Memphis, AR, that was dilapidated houses. The wheels in my head started spinning about an urban renewal project. It's just one of those things. And that led to thoughts about my current employment situation and how I can use both companies against one another for different reasons. But I have to sit down and think more on that one and devise a plan to get past the wife. Then I got home and went back out to get my computer up to FedEx so it could be returned to Dell and repaired. Once I got home again, I had an excellent dinner of sausage and sauerkraut and then sat like a bump on a log until it was time to go to bed.

Tired

Driving 12 hours a day can be taxing. But I am adjusting to it, and in a week or two, it will be second nature. I am sure. I was exhausted when I returned to the house early in the evening. I took a little time to relax, and then I went to bed. I am working on my new class in Agile, but I have not put it into a routine yet. It is a four-week course, and I'm looking forward to learning the subject. I have a lot to do this weekend, and part of that is taking care of the girl. We are celebrating my daughter's birthday this weekend, and she will get whatever she wants. It might be board games, running into the city, and sitting and staring at a squirrel with her for a few hours. It is up to her.