I look within myself and see the storm, and know that I can overcome!

Greetings: The month of July was upheaval. I lost my job for almost five years because of the bureaucracy and manipulation by those in charge. They can back up their justification with numbers, but we all know that data can say anything that you want to say when you look at it from the proper perspective. But I did not have the will to fight. That may change, but for now, I am fine.

Getting Tired

One of the hardest things to deal with right now is fatigue. I am working 12-hour days, which should not be a big deal, but I am coming home exhausted. When I got home, I watched Star Wars and then went to bed.

Sweet release

Once I got back from the second job, I spent about an hour and a half doing the front lawn. That ended the day, and I put together a massive to-Do List for the weekend. It has been the first full week back to work, and I am tired.

Busy, but...

I had a lot on my list for today, but I put it to the side anytime Willow asked. She was not very demanding, but I was ready to be there if she wanted me. Why am I in servitude to the daughter? Because today was her mock birthday. I worked on my list and continued checking in to see if she needed anything. The only actual demand she made of me was to go to dinner with her at one of the buffets in Bartlett. It was pretty good. Most of the time I was working on my education and applications for different jobs. I am finally happy with my resume and curriculum vitae, and I even have a lead on a haunted house for this season. But I will deal with that tomorrow.

Busy busy bee...

The personal side of life, in contrast, was almost overwhelming. I had more than a dozen things on my list, and I knocked most of them out. I grabbed a few things from the wife's list and did those. I worked through two of my courses, did more on the garage, and finally figured out why this blog is not going up. The central computer I use to process the blog is seriously messed up. I had to lock down part of it. I am rewriting this on Monday because this entry was lost. I have to be very careful about the way I save things now. And I have to double-check everything. I will have to get a new desktop, which is way down the line. For now, I have to be careful.

As evening rolled around, we all gathered in the kitchen, and we cooked a bunch of food. Dinner for tonight was sushi, and we made hot sausage with pasta and fish with vegetables. That will last us for a couple of days. I am going to count this as a perfect weekend, and I look forward to going back to work tomorrow.

My final action was artwork. I was going to do another canvas on oil, but I realized that we are in a new month, and I had to have images for the top of this screen. I've been working on a few things since I got fired; you can see them here. They are three themed pieces based on facing the storm.

Zzzzzz...

I thought that getting off of work and getting home would wake me up, but that was not the case. I got to the house, and I was utterly lethargic for the rest of the day. So I sat like a bump on the log and then went to bed early. Look at me; I have gotten bored. I don't really feel that way, but today, I can see it.

List time...

A 12-hour work day makes me tired, but I was still awake enough to come home, watch some of my show, have dinner, and start working on my new set of lists. I'm trying to tighten up the inner workings of my life and gain a little more focus. It is time to get serious and get back on track. Now, if only I could find the track.

The grind...

I worked close to 12 hours today, and I was not happy with the outcome. When I am not happy with something, it tends to drift toward other parts of my life. I did not do much before work, and when I got home, I ate, and then it was time for bed. I am just going to count today out and concentrate on tomorrow.

Move forward...

Even though it was a positive day at work, I was still exhausted when I hit the house and I pretty much went right to bed after I ate and sat around staring at nothing for a while. I am starting to make plans to get stuff done this weekend, and I have to do something about this computer because it is difficult to get things updated with half of my processor eating itself. But every once in a while, we all need a challenge. I did a bunch of work on my agile project management course and I did some more editing of my novel. The latter is slow going because I am rewriting as I go. But I have no doubt that it will get there.

Move forward...

I got to the house and took a nap and then I did the front yard. It took quite a while to get that jungle under control, but it looks pretty good right now. It was extremely hot, so by the time I finished the lawn, I was ready for another nap. I did not indulge in another nap, but I felt like one anyway. I was able to get caught up on my agile project management course and my psychology of fashion course. Yes, you read that last one properly. I took that course on a whim. And I am about halfway through it. The realistic reason that I am taking that course is I want to see how the certificates are handled. They are not up front about any kind of pricing to get the certificate for taking the course and I am pretty sure that once you finish they're going to say congratulations and that if you want to be able to prove that you took this course and passed it well, you have to pay us a lot of money. Typical bait and switch. By the time I finished all that it was time for bed, and it was quite welcome.

Stuff!!!

When the day started I had a list of things to do as long as a baby's arm. The funny thing is, I was able to blow through that list quite well and I got a lot of stuff knocked out. I even took a large portion of the day and designed my new computer. I believe it will take roughly 11 months to get all the parts and accessories. And I still have to run them through a compatibility program to make sure that everything is compatible with everything else. I pushed forward with my two courses; I did a whole lot of editing and some rewriting, and I even cut my nails. I no longer have vampire claws, but that is OK. I have not done a full manicure, but I might tomorrow, depending on how the day goes. It was a long and productive day and the only negative part of it is that I am fighting a massive headache that may be a migraine. It has been coming and going all day and it is interrupting the positive portions of the day. I find that quite annoying. In the evening, I went up to the haunt, and that got me home after 8:30 in the evening.

Rough...

I spent most of the day fighting a migraine and that was not any fun at all. I tried everything from a hot shower to vigorous exercise and meditation and it just would not go away. I carried that burden until almost 3:00 in the afternoon and then it broke. After that it went to a regular headache, but not nearly as bad. I started working on creating the studio downstairs and started drawing up plans. I think that I can make it work without impeding the use of the garage, but it is going to take time. Because of the migraine most of the day was spent staring off into space.

Monday...

It is the first day of the week, and I am already tired. It was very cool today in comparison with the previous days, but I could not enjoy it. I hoped to work a 10-hour day and then get some stuff done before I had to go to sleep, but that did not work out. Because I was in the low-fare area, I had to work a total of 12 hours, and I still did not reach my goal. If I do not reach my goal, I cannot excel and get my new camera. It is a vicious circle. When I got out of work, I got gas, hit Walmart for my medication, and then went home to eat and sleep. However, all things considered, I'm still in a better place than I was at US Xpress and that is what counts.

Grumble...

I did not have passion for anything today. I woke up with plenty of time but got nothing done because I didn't want to. This is the first time it has happened since I left trucking. Everything will be fine if it doesn't push through until tomorrow. If I have to suffer being grumpy one day out of every three weeks in return for being happy the rest of the time, I will take it. I sat back on my heels today, questioned everything, and hit a very negative place as long as it doesn't hold. But that story is to be continued.

Back to normal...

I am unsure what qualifies as usual for me, but whatever it is, I have returned to it. Yesterday I was in a very negative headspace and questioning my choices, but I've returned to those choices with resolve. And, of course, a new plan. I have set a schedule that will allow me to work 66 hours weekly to support the household. That gives me my weekends free, and I can choose to work if I want to once I have the things around the house taken care of. That money, minus expenses and taxes, will be funneled to get the things that we want for the home and me. I work so much better when allowing myself to be rewarded, and I think it has been that way most of my life. I will probably meditate on that quirk sometime down the line, but not today. My yoga is giving me a rough time this week because I am on one of the advanced poses, which is very difficult.

One more day to go...

I am very much looking forward to my camping trip this weekend, and that is very funny because I don't know how it is going to be. I have not done anything like this in almost 3 decades. But it will be an experience and I will either like it or I will not. To that end, I pushed through the day and got to the end of it and then went home, did some of my lessons, and headed off to bed early.

Freedom...

When I got home, the wife was working on things she had to concentrate on, so I left her alone and did my own thing. I found one of the sleeping bags and gathered the rest of my stuff for the camping trip. It took me a while to get the reservation taken care of because the reservation system on the website is messed up. I finally was able to call the campground and make the reservation, and I am all set for tomorrow. I have a few things to stop and get in the morning, but other than that, I am ready to roll. There is rain in the forecast for tomorrow morning, but it looks like it is supposed to clear up long before I hit the campground, so everything should be fine. I am looking forward to this trip, and I don't know if it will be good or bad because I don't know what will happen. A couple of weeks ago, I went fishing, and it was an enjoyable experience, and this is an extension of adventure. Neither Laura nor Willow is interested in joining me, and that is OK. I had no interest in going to Portland with the girls, and that worked out fine. They had a good time. I had no interest in going to Anaheim with Willow, and she had fun alone. Hopefully, this will be an extension of the same way of thinking. If it works out, I can do this once a month or so to decompress. It is cheap, and it is better for the body than hard drugs.

The Camping Trip...

The morning consisted of a 2 1/2-hour call with Rowan from Japan. He is doing well and enjoying himself in his new life. He has acclimated to life in Japan and is teaching his courses well.

Once the call was over, I hit Walmart, got the last things that I needed for my trip, and then put everything together. I did not think I had forgotten anything, and by the night's end, that proved true. I was off to my adventure right on time at noon.

Getting to Big Hill Pond took about two hours, and I found my designated campsite without issues. I drove by the lake, read the rules, and found out that they rent canoes. I don't know how much they are or how long it takes to get them to call because nobody was in the office when I got there. I found out later that renting one costs about as much as buying one. But that is OK because that's not going to happen on this trip anyway.

I got camp set up and did some meditation right away. The park was very peaceful, or at least it was, until Dave and Jess pulled into the camp next to me. The first thing that they did was put up a rebel flag. The confederacy is alive and well in the camp next to me. They set up their campsite with a generator, air conditioner, and television. What's the point? The woman was very pregnant, and the man was very demeaning, but I made nice anyway. I got their story, and they go camping whenever possible because the family disapproves of their relationship. After all, they are first cousins. How much more cliche can you get? And then, to prove the point, once the sun went down, their relationship was known to the entire camp for about two hours. But that went in the form of play, argue, play. I spent most of my time down at the lower camp, which was not in use because it is a scout gathering point, and there were no scouts today.

I started my fire and cooked my hot dogs as the sun went down. I had no trouble starting the fire and purchased ten pieces of wood from the camp shop. The night was calm once the sun went down, except for the neighbors and their sexual antics. For the most part, no sounds were overridden by the sounds of nature. Nature is very loud. The only problem I had was that the site was gravel, and the tarp I brought, even folded over on itself, was insufficient to make for a comfortable resting place. In the future, if I continue this, I will either need to get a ground mat or an inflatable mattress. But the lesson is learned. I will count today as a positive day because I got a significant amount of meditation done, close to six hours, and I am feeling pretty centered now.

Home again, Home again....

I broke camp very early in the morning and packed everything up just as the neighbors were waking up. Thankfully, I was ready to leave just as they started their morning antics. I do not believe that it would have been a pleasant experience to sit there and listen to them going at it again. But I was on the road and headed home before the sun broke the horizon. When I got to the house, I was reticent so I did not disturb Laura, and I caught up on my e-mail and socials until she was out of bed. Then, it was time for a nap, which I needed, considering my poor sleep last night. When I got up, I emptied the car, cleaned all my gear, and put it away. The rest of the day I spent catching up with e-mail, job postings, and updating my project list.

Time to adjust....

I was able to get a little bit of my classwork done before I lay down, but other than that today was all work. Tomorrow, if things go as planned, and I get up on time, I should be home around noon and have a little bit of time to get things done before I go to sleep. Things are tedious right now and it is going to take some time to adjust.

A bit tired....

Working back-to-back will drain me for a little while, but it should be OK in the end. I am trying to get a routine in place so I can get everything I need done each day. The most damage is being done to my meditation, yoga, and exercise. I have had to reduce the amount of time, and because of the lack of meditation, I am starting to feel it around the edges. I can feel the frustration looming down on me, but there's not anything that I can do about it right now. It is something that I'm going to have to address sooner or later; I'm just not sure when that will be. I don't have time to watch my show, which is disappointing, but I'm working toward a goal. If I can meet my goal on Uber this week, then this weekend, I will get to run Lyft for myself and maybe get something special. But there is a lot up in the air right now.

Still tired....

I did not sleep well between shifts and did very little else for the day. Tomorrow is another day, and I am hoping that they get this crap straightened out quickly so I can get back on the job.

Uphill....

I was rolling in a severe negative mood, but I was able to get some severe meditation, yoga, and exercise done before I started my day. Since I could not work due to the investigation, I was able to finish the front yard. Compared to the last few weeks, it was nice and cool, so I took advantage of that. I still have to get to the backyard, which may wait another week. I spent most of the day playing catch-up, and then we had Kentucky fried chicken for dinner. I have reset my mental state for tomorrow, but I see no way that I can catch up this week, and I'm going to have to reset my plans for next week. I do have to run Lyft this weekend at some point so that I can keep the account active.

Fluid time....

When I got home in the afternoon, I was exhausted. More so than I should have been considering that I had yesterday off. But I tried to take it in stride and just accept the world around me. Tomorrow is another day.

Here is the latest work. They are few and far between right now because of the processor on my computer. It will probably be the new year before I get back up to speed.

Down day...down!

The day to rest, relax and recuperate. OK, at least one of the three; I am unsure which one. I did get some artwork done and could do more on the novel, plus I continued my course on project management. I have an examination and then one more session, and that one is done. The rest of the day was spent just taking care of the self.

Family and rest and fun, oh my.

Since I returned to the house around 6:00 AM, I had the entire day ahead of me. We got to do the family thing. I made some bread and worked on my list. The bread was a pretty good replication of what you find at Subway. That is going to be for my lunch this week. I continued working in the garage, and it is coming along nicely. I have pulled out the Halloween decorations, and we're beginning to choose our customs for the season. I chose one from Amazon, but Laura chose a better one. And, of course, she is right. We shall see how the next few weeks progress. I'm continuing to watch Lost Girl and almost finished with that series. I will count this as a perfect day.

Relax dude.

The work day was completely exhausting and by the time I hit the house I was ready for bed. I managed to sit up for about two hours before heading to sleep, but I barely remember any of it. I wanted to get some things updated and a few things off my list but all I got to do was sit and stare. On the positive side, the new subway sandwich that I made for lunch was excellent. I have to make it a point to make those rolls each weekend. They are pretty good.

No fire.

I am rolling into work and then sleep mode right now. There is little time for anything else. I can get my daily routine out of the way, but other than that, I don't have time for anything else. As things settle into a routine, I do not doubt that things will straighten out, but I need to be patient. On a side note, I am using my subliminal music to sleep, and I tried to sleep without it, but the weird dreams were still there. So it is not the music. It is just my fertile brain growing whatever I have planted. So far, nothing dangerous or even highly disturbing. Just unusual.

Time passages.

We are still in a position where it is nothing but work and sleep. I am watching lost girl as I eat my dinner, and I am almost done with that series. Some very important characters have died, and it has made me sad. But it is only a television show and I will get over it. I am very much looking forward to the weekend, but I still have some shifts to work before that comes. Tomorrow is going to be rough because when I get off I'm going to have to split sleep and deal with the air conditioning people. I am not sure how that is going to work out, but that is OK and we will get through it.

Push through.

Today was a bit rough. I only got about 3 hours of broken sleep because of the stuff going on at the house. But even with that, I couldn't do anything else, mostly because I was exhausted. I called it an early night, stopped, got Chinese food, and then headed home. I had a severe headache, and I had to deal with that before I could go to bed. I did watch the end of Lost Girl, and now I have nothing to watch. But I will deal with that tomorrow. The week is almost over, and I'm looking forward to the weekend.

End of the week.

Since I got home early, I decided to dive into my writing for a while. I was going to work on an extra piece of artwork, but the program took more than an hour to load, and the computer was giving me issues. I took that time to clean out the car and get it ready for next week and, of course, for our family adventure out tomorrow. Hopefully, this will be an excellent weekend, and we are moving into a new week and month. And it is my birth-month, so if anybody wants to see my wish list, let me know.

A day out.

This was a day of rest. But it was far from restful. I had an excellent start to the morning, and when 9:00 AM rolled around, it was time to get into motion with the family. The first stop was Joann Fabrics, where Willow went through and got some material to make more clothing, and the wife got some material to make a monkey. It looks like it's going to be a cute monkey. I wandered around aimlessly and withheld my desire to start a new project because I had so many others going already. None of us thought we would be there for that long, but it became a 2-hour adventure. When we got out, it was time for lunch, and we hit a place we had never tried called "Local Lime." It was a perfect place, if not as expensive as hell. It was upper-end Mexican food, and it was excellent. Then it was a quick trip to the international market to get crispy chili oil, a quick run into the office supply store where you get stuff off my list, and then home to vegetate. It was a very exhausting but fulfilling day. I did not get anything done from my list, and I had to work first thing in the morning, so I went to bed very early. It was a wasted day, but well wasted, and I will take it.

There is a slight delay in launching September 2024. It will be up as soon as possible. I am working very hard right now, but it is coming. I have to fight with this computer for every update, so I am trying to limit them.